I like it when they call me Big Papa

New home for my thoughts/musings

2010-09-20T08:02:00.000-07:00

Please go to Big Guy Tri if you really care about anything that I say. You have all been great, but my life has taken some new turns and this format/location is a better fit. This is a complete website, but I still have a blog page that will look very much like this one.

As you will see, the site deals with what I see as the four major parts of my rebooted life:

My Faith Life ("soul food")
My Mental Health ("brain food")
My Nutritional Health ("food...food")
My Physical Health (endurance sports)

Peace,
Jon

Prayer of St. Francis...time to pick it back up

2010-08-17T19:49:00.001-07:00

I know it's been a LONG time, but it's time to finish it up. Stay tuned...gonna redo the last post, too.

I am a Clydesdale

2010-07-09T08:07:00.000-07:00

Clydesdale Triathlete Vince Palko at the DC Marathon.

I hope I look and race like him someday.

Most avid runners/triathletes can tell you what a Clydesdale is. They'll say something like "the big guys." Technically, a Clydesdale is a male endurance athlete that weighs over 200 pounds. Generally, there is a division for 200-219 and one for 220+.

The American Clydesdale Horse Society defines its namesake as follows:

"Male or female, a Clydesdale should look handsome, weighty and powerful, so that the impression is given of quality and weight, rather than grossness and bulk."

Compliment taken and appreciated. I'm currently working to reduce the "grossness" by reducing the "bulk." I think it is good that I can embrace this because it allows me to still be "Big Papa Jon" while working towards my goal of optimum health.

Some people feel that it's ridiculous that there is a weight class in an endurance race. They say that there are already age classes...isn't that enough? Some people will say that there needs to be a different class because we aren't racing against the little guys that run 5 minute miles. We're racing against each other.

I say it's a matter of pride. I'm proud of being big. I look forward to the day when I can be proud of being big and fit.

There's one for you too, ladies. It's called Athena and it's 150 pounds and up.

The single most important piece of exercise gear that I own: RoadID

2010-07-07T11:55:00.000-07:00

When I started exercising again I became very mindful of my safety. I'm not 100% sure, but I think that it's because people depend on me now...much more than before. Even people that are 6'5" tall and 280 pounds can get jumped, but accidents are totally nondiscrimanatory.

I live in a very busy congested and busy part of town. Metro buses go to and fro in front of my house every 10 minutes. I can be at Home Depot's front door in 4 minutes...walking. I can't even imaging the number of cars, trucks, motorcycles, and other vehicles pass by me, behind me, or in front of me on a 4-mile run.

With that in mind, I started to research what I needed to do so that I am as prepared as possible to both avoid injury and, God forbid, that first responders have all of the information necessary should I not be able to communicate with them.

The very first thing that I did was order a RoadID. This ingenious little bracelet is perfect for everybody. All of their RoadIDs include a stainless-steel ID tag that can be used on multiple mounting applications. I own a black Sport, just like the picture to the right. That ID tag can be removed and added to a Shoe Pouch, a Shoe Tag, or an Ankle Band.

In addition to the RoadID Sport, they also have a swanky style called the WristID Elite that is on a rubberized watch-style band that could be worn all day, every day. The tag is a little different, but it has the same information available.

On the ID, you put your name, city, emergency contacts, any medical information, and any motivation that you may want for yourself. For those of you that have frequent contact information changes or that have complicated medical history, they also have and Interactive ID that directs the first responders and hospital personnel towards a 1-800 number or a website that contains all of your information.

Here's a comparison of the two types of ID:

The highlighted portion on the Interactive ID is not orange; it's just highlighted to show the difference. So, if you are a private person, someone who has frequently changing contact information, or someone that has extensive medical history, this is the ID for you. They only charge $9.99/year for the service. I think that we can all agree that is a very reasonable cost for the service provided.

In addition to their ID products, that have TONS of other road safety products. The one that I already used was the Firefly Supernova light. I was running behind the Target store by my house at about 10:30p (the only time that I'm free most days) and a car came around the corner. Being the cool-guy that he was, he only had on his fog lights, so he couldn't see me. He was coming right at me, so I started to get out of the way. About 25ft from hitting me, he swerved and slowed down. As he passed he shouted, "Nice light." I was sold.

I have formed a little relationship with them in order to help me continue to be able to pay for the races that keep me motivated as well as to be able to purchase exercise clothes as I continue to lose weight. If you or someone that you love exercises away from home, they need a RoadID. They are so inexpensive ($19.99 + $1.49 shipping) that you almost can't afford to NOT have one. They're safer than a piece of paper...what happens when that gets wet? I even wear mine at the gym. If I get injured and they call 911, they will be able to contact my wife immediatly and know that I have "NKA" (no known allergies).

If you order it after clicking through to the website through any of the links on this website, I get a small percentage of the purchase. I don't anticipate making a ton of money through this, but maybe I'll make enough to get a workout shirt or two per year. I've already gone from XXXL to XXL and now to XL. I'm halfway to my goal, so I'll get down to a size L at the very least.

So click and order...your friends and family (including me) will thank you.

Race Report/My Story - 4th of July Spectacular 5K

2010-07-07T06:16:00.000-07:00

This is what I posted on the Runner's World Forum about last weekend:

On Tuesday, April 6th, 2010 I weighed 348 pounds. I was at one of the lowest points in my life. Two weeks early I had asked my doctor to write a letter of medical necessity for me to join a bariatric program (weight loss) and gotten to read how I was at risk of all of these “co-morbidities” and was “non-cooperative” when it came to health choices. I had hit rock bottom enough times to say “enough is enough!”

As I stepped off the scale, I knew that I was going to be making radical changes in my life. I knew that I was going to lose weight…I just didn’t know how I was going to get healthy and stay healthy.

I’m 31 years old and have a 4.5 year old son. As a father, I have the opportunity to break the cycle of obesity in my family. So far so good…he’s active and healthy. He eats well. However, I know all too well how easy it is to change direction.

The first two weeks I lost a total of 19.6 pounds. Week 3: down 1.2. Now, I’m not saying that I was disappointed in losing 20.8 pounds in three weeks. What I realized that day was that someday my weight loss would stop. Someday in the future I would step on this scale and cross off that last pound. Someday I would hit a 36” (or whatever) waist, wear a Large Tall shirt, and not shrink anymore. What I needed was something upon which I could measure my health progress and motivate myself in perpetuity.

On April 28th, 2010 I was sitting at my desk at work praying. I had been racking my brain for something that I could do. There were ideas, but none of them hit home; none sounded interesting. I was praying to God for some kind of guidance: “Help me find some way to motivate myself for the rest of my life because this time, Father, I’m not failing.”

When I finished my prayer and looked up to start working again two slips of paper tacked to my office wall caught my eye. I had pinned them there a year or so earlier when I had subscribed to a daily bible verse email. After they started to pile up unread in my inbin, I unsubscribed, but I left those two verses up. There was just something from each one that grabbed my attention.

The first is Psalm 119:105. “Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path.”

The second is a little longer, but it was the one that caused the initial “A-HA” moment. It comes from the first letter from Paul to the Corinthians:

Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. Therefore I do not run like a man running aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air. No, I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize. (1Co 9:24-27)

It hit me like a ton of bricks: run. I’ve never been a runner. Obviously, the 350 pounds for a prolonged period of time kind of put a dampen on that. Add to that the fact that I am 18 months post-op from a lateral release surgery on my right knee.

I searched online and came across the “Couch-to-5K” program (C25K). It looked to be right up my alley and ability level, so I started it on May 5th, 2010. Since then my weight loss, fitness level, motivation, and overall lifestyle have improved dramatically. I feel and look better than I ever have in my life…and I’m just getting started.

On Sunday, July 4th I ran my first 5K race. The 4th of July Spectacular 5K is run in Colerain Township just northwest of greater Cincinnati. My reason for choosing this event was their inclusion of a Clydesdale Division and the fact that it fell on my very last day of my C25K training.

I ran the race with a good friend who paced with me the whole time. We actually ran the route the week prior so that I’d know where the hills were and what to expect. It took me 38 minutes that time through.

It started with a mass downhill start at 8:00am. “Downhill start” sounded good to me at first, but then I saw all of the people that used it to set their pace. This is just another reason why I love, love, love my Garmin. It has been crucial to my success.

I wanted to beat 30 minutes, if possible. I knew that it would be hard, but I thought I could do it. Accordingly, I set out at a pace of 9:30-9:45/mile. It was evident early on that the heat and humidity would be an issue…even for an 8:00am start. Around mile 2 I started to feel it. I slowed my pace to 10:00/mile, hoping to make up the difference in the last half mile.

However, the one-two punch of the heat and humidity on the blacktop finally did me in and I slowed just before mile 3. It helped that my wife, son, and aunt were cheering me on for the last 2 tenths. My 4 year old actually came out and ran the end of the race with me. My aunt, who is battling brain cancer with Ali-like skill, was also a big push for me.

I finished with a time of 32:59 and was very pleased. Just like most runners, I’m sure, I started to beat myself up for walking for those 2-3 minutes or slowing to 12:00/mile going up the last hill. Then, I realized that I’m not training for the Olympics, Boston, or even The Flying Pig…I’m training for my life and I just met the first of many goals.

I signed up for my first 10K this morning. I’m training for the next 6 weeks and can’t wait to start. I had my stuff laid out and my alarm set for 5:00a (just like I have for the last month), but I slept through it. I’m very bummed. But, I’ll just start tonight instead. I’ve never run at night and then again in the morning, but you have to do everything for the first time once, right?

Some things I’ve learned for my first few races:
-Decide your pace…and then add 30 seconds to it. You can always bump it up later if you’re feeling good.
-Ask more friends to cheer you on. They’ll come. Have them spread out on the course…it helps.
-Don’t try to follow the uber hot girls in spanks. They are always too fast.

In the interest of legality:

Scripture taken from the HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 Biblica. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved.

The "NIV" and "New International Version" trademarks are registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office by Biblica. Use of either trademark requires the permission of Biblica.

BPJ

Feel Lucky

2010-06-11T06:14:00.000-07:00

This is a wonderful article that sums up how I feel about running. I'm doing it for my health, but also for my aunt Maria. More on that later.

Feel Lucky About Your Next Run at Runner's World

MapMyFitness.com

2010-06-03T08:17:00.000-07:00

This website is great for anyone that walks, runs, bikes, hikes...whatever. By using a great web-based map system, you can create routes for your exercise/commutes. It shows elevation changes, mileage, and will provide turn-by-turn directions. They even have an iPhone and Droid App.

An added benefit for me is that it interacts with my new Garmin Forerunner 205 GPS watch. I can upload created routes to my watch or download routes that I've run onto the system. This will also allow me to create maps of my hikes in TN later this month.

Here's an example of a route that I'm running tomorrow:

Zupps>Home
Find more Runs in Cincinnati, Ohio

And I ran...I ran so far away.

2010-06-02T20:23:00.000-07:00

I signed up to recieve a daily bible verse from a website a year or so ago. Those emails grew to be a little annoying. However, during those few months there were two verses that caught my eye. Both resonated with me and earned a stick pin in my cubicle wall next to my computer.

The first was Psalm 119:105:

Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path.

That helps me to remember that God is not only a guide to my everyday decisions (lamp to my feet), but also helping me to see how those decision affect the future (light to my path).

The second was 1 Corinthians 9:24-29:

Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize.

Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. Therefore I do not run like a man running aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air. No, I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize.

At the time, I used it to motivate me at work. I was not yet diagnosed, nor was I being treated, for A.D.D. I was having an incredibly hard time concentrating at work and getting anytime accomplished. There were times where I would sit at my desk and just pray that I could get one thing done that day. This passage from 1 Corinthians spoke to my heart. I did not want to "run aimlessly" and "I beat my body and [made] it my slave" so that I could be the best I could be.

Later that year, my life changed as I sought treatment. These words morphed into something much more. They have become my rallying call. They have, to me, become literal. I want to win the prize. I do everything that I can to win the prize. Yes, it has vast spirtual implications in my life. However, it's so much more in my life.

When I made the decision to take a radical path towards improved health, my world was thrown upside down. I knew that I wanted to do this to become healthier; not to become smaller. The latter is obviously a byproduct of the former, but it is so hard to qualify in any other way, for me.

My bloodwork is great. My blood pressure is a rock-steady 120 over 72. I don't have diabetes, high cholestoral, or any of the other "comorbidities" associated with morbid obesity. What I am is overweight.

I needed something that would be my guidepost. I wanted to be able to say, "Yeah, I lost 130 pounds, but the really awesome thing is ..." beh. I didn't have anything. I prayed about it a lot. I couldn't measure "being able to squat down and play with my son." I prayed some more.

During one of my mini mind breaks at work, I was praying for guidance and looked up at the wall of my cube. There, having been pinned up a year earlier, was the passage from 1 Corinthians. In addition, I had highlighted the sentence, "Run in such a way as to get the prize."

I knew right then what I had to do: run. The one exercise that I always said I despised. I used to say, "The only reason that you'll see me running is to get away from a pit bull."

"I beat my body and make it my slave..."

All at once, I wanted to run. I don't know what it was, but I suspect it was the Holy Spirit. I found a running plan on the internet called Couch-to-5K. It's a nine-week plan that is proven to help a dedicated person run a 5K race with no previous running experience. The last time that I ran for fitness was for the 8th grade Presidential Fitness test. It took me 17 minutes to run a mile...

I am currently in the 5th week and can't believe it. Not only am I doing it, but I'm enjoying it.

I'm going to run a 5K race on the 4th of July. I'm going to run a 10K race in August. I'm going to do the Little Miami Triathlon on 10/3/10. Then, one year to the day after I started running, I'm going to run the Flying Pig Marathon.

One of my friends told me to "be realistic". "After all," he said, "there's nothing wrong with running a half marathon."

He's right; there isn't. But I'm running for a lasting crown...not something that's not "wrong." I may become injured and not meet my goal. I do have a history of knee and foot injuries. No matter what, I'm going to beat my body into submission, I'm not going to run aimlessly, and I'm going to win the prize.

"Yes, I lost 130 pounds, but you know what's really cool? I won the prize...and it's worth more than my lost weight in gold."

And I also signed my email address back up for the bible verse emails.

And we wonder what's wrong with America....The KFC Double Down Sandwich

2010-04-28T12:14:00.000-07:00

I'm starting a new segment on my blog called, "And we wonder what's wrong with America..." I see so many thing anymore that just make me shake my head and wonder what the hell is going on.

I know that I'm a Jonny-come-lately to this party. Unfortunately, it's a pretty small party.

~~~~~~~

Let's start with KFC's newest creation:

The "Double Down" is not your average sandwich. To quote their website:

This one-of-a-kind sandwich features two thick and juicy boneless white meat chicken filets (Original Recipe® or Grilled), two pieces of bacon, two melted slices of Monterey Jack and pepper jack cheese and Colonel's Sauce.

Oh wait...they offer a grilled one. Everything's alright then. Everyone knows that grilled chicken is good for you, right?

Well, here are the nutritional facts:
Sandwich                                      Calories   Fat (g)   Sodium (mg)
KFC Original Recipe® Double Down 540            32         1380
KFC Grilled Double Down                   460            23         1430

I don't have to really talk about the calories or fat, right? We all know that's bad. The sodium, however, is the lesser-known of the three evils. It is recommended that we keep our daily sodium intake under 2400mg. Notice that the GRILLED Double Down constitutes 67% of your daily sodium intake.

It's also very small. Pair that bad boy with some potato wedges (880mg) and a corn bread muffin (240mg), and the rest of that sodium will just float around in your blood with the 45g of fat and 220mg of cholesterol. And we wonder why the leading cause of death in America is heart disease.

Doesn't look quite as good now, does it?

A perspective on "enough": Wants, Needs, and Excess.

2010-04-12T09:09:00.000-07:00

This weekend at VCC, we were blessed to have the President and CEO of Compassion International, Wess Stafford, as our guest speaker. Read our teaching pastor's blog about it by clicking here. It was an incredibly moving story.

What struck me the most is that we were talking about how $38/month can literally change the life of a child living in poverty. It is the difference between life and death, for many of them. We've all seen these commercials and many of us view them as a nuisance. I used to...until I heard and saw on video the stories of adults who were sponsored as children and have now grown up and are working on their Masters degrees. I heard the story of a little boy who had such a low self-worth that his first letter read simply, "You can see from my picture that I am not a good-looking boy." Twenty years later, he visited his sponsor on the way back from winning a medal at the Olympics.

The part about the $38/month that struck me the most is that I am paying $160/week to lose weight because I ate to excess.

Boom.

I could sponsor 17 kids for that. At what point did our society change so that America was no longer the land of the free, but the home of the obese? Think about this: because of my "stresses" and the availability of fatty, sugary, processed foods, I was able to eat my way to 350 pounds. At the same time, over 5,000 children under the age of five die in Africa every day due to malnutrition, disease and violence, almost all of them preventable.

Talk about perspective. These children don't get clean water, let alone food. They're lucky if they eat once per day. There were times in my twenties when I would binge eat by going through a drive-thru, eating while I drive, then going through another drive-thru when I was done with the food from the first.

I won't feel guilty...I didn't know. As I got older, I knew that there was suffering, but it's easy to ignore. "They're on the other side of the globe. I don't need to worry about it." Now, as I mature in my relationship with Christ, and as a father myself, my global view is also maturing.

What we have here on earth is not our's. If I have "enough" and someone else wants, who am I do buy more and more? Now, I know that God wants to bless us and that I shouldn't sell all of my possessions and move to South Africa. However, when making a purchase from now on, I will definitely ask myself, "Is this too much?"

Also, when I'm done with my program....I'll be sponsoring a couple of children.

The Xavier Fight Song...as played on the tuba.

2010-03-25T07:38:00.000-07:00

Bum. Bum. Bum buh bum bum bum! Bum bum bum bum, bum, bum bum bum bum. Bum, bum, bum, bum bum bum. BUM BUM BUM BUM bum buh bum bum buh da buh bum. Bum bum bum bum bum bum bum buh bum buh bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum buh bum bum bum. bum, bum, bum bum bum bum. Bum, bum, bum, bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum. BUM buh BUM buh bum BUH DUH DUH DAH buh BUM BUM BUM BUM BUM buh BUM BUM BUM BUMP!

X!!!(duguhduguhduguhduguhduguhduguh) A!!! (duguhduguhduguhduguhduguhduguh)
V!!! (duguhduguhduguhduguhduguhduguh) I! E! R!

X!!!(duguhduguhduguhduguhduguhduguh) A!!! (duguhduguhduguhduguhduguhduguh)
V!!! (duguhduguhduguhduguhduguhduguh) I! E! R!

Bum. Bum. Bum buh bum bum bum! Bum bum bum bum, bum, bum bum bum bum. Bum, bum, bum, bum bum bum. BUM BUM BUM BUM bum buh bum bum buh da buh bum. Bum bum bum bum bum bum bum buh bum buh bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum buh bum bum bum. bum, bum, bum bum bum bum. Bum, bum, bum, bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum. BUM buh BUM buh bum BUH DUH DUH DAH buh BUM BUM BUM BUM BUM buh BUM BUM BUM BUMP!

Healthcare…one man’s opinion

2010-03-24T11:12:00.001-07:00

I was, at one time, of the same mind as the current “Tea Party” movement. I’m not of opposite mind now, just a little off-center, if you will. I think that it has become as militant and obstinate as Obama’s Change Coalition. When so many people with access to so much information rely solely on partisan news sources and diatribe-laden chain e-mails, it’s no wonder our nation is so divided right now.
There are many things about H.R.4872 that I like (and none of them involve the ridiculous politics that surround it). There are many things that I don’t like (including said politics). However, anyone that says that we don’t have a problem with the health care insurance industry is just plain misinformed, ignorant, or both.
Here’s what I like:

No yearly or lifetime limit on benefits
Offspring eligible until 26 on their parents’ plan
Improved estimating and premium-determination via the Law of Large Numbers, including those with less health problems (i.e. healthy 20/30-somethings).
Truly helps seniors by fixing some inherent and congressional-created problems with Medicare.
Substantial and appropriate funding to fight health insurance fraud.

Here’s what I don’t like

The piggy-backing of student loan reform.
The executive order regarding abortion funding (I agree with it, but it’s reversible by the swipe of a pen by one individual with zero checks and balances).
The reliance upon future congresses to enact certain items to help it reduce the deficit. This will not happen.
The blatant disregard for pay-as-you-go in exchange for Robin Hooding the successful.

These aren’t exhaustive lists, but they hit the highlights. The first two “likes” are selfish. One, my beautiful Aunt Maria is boxing brain cancer right now, and she’s beating the hell out of it. However, those treatments aren’t cheap. By eliminating the yearly/lifetime benefit caps, you take the handcuffs off of the doctors and let them find the best treatment for her without having to have a fundraiser every day. There is still a person cost, but there’s no wall.
Two, my brother is 21 years old and had to make a life decision this year based upon his inability to keep health insurance through my parents. This, I believe, will help him out tremendously.
As far as the dislikes go, here’s my take:
Student Loan reform should have been handled independently. It was rammed through with hardly any discussion and next to nobody realizes that the actions this past year federalize the three largest loans that an individual usually incurs:

Home loans – the federal government backs a HUGE percentage of all mortgage securities now. Plus, we control a lot of the banks and the entire rating system.
Car loans – two of the largest American auto manufactures now have their financing through the federally-overseen GMAC.
Student Loans – by creating this uber lender, we have completed the trifecta of being owned by Uncle Sam

The executive order banning the use of federal funds for an abortion is a joke. How do you determine that? You won’t ever have an earmark that says “Abortion Funds.” However, there are going to be many programs that fund or support voluntary abortions of healthy fetuses getting federal money. Does this ban any money to any group that supports any facet of abortions? Absolutely not. A health-insurance company could direct private funds to abortion-related benefits and say that no federal funds go to this. It’s the same ploy used by the United Way. They say that you can direct “your” funds to a specific charity and by-pass a group like the Susan B. Komen Foundation (they do good work in some venues, but they are pro-choice). Everyone gets the same amount of money that they would; they just redirect the contributions from people that don’t earmark to the charities that received less earmarks.
I don’t think I have to say very much about building in dates for future congresses to do something. We all know it’s not going to happen. They know it’s not going to happen. But, when it doesn’t, each side can blame the other for the situation. I can’t believe that the Congressional Budget Office would release estimates based upon this kind of insanity.
I don’t make $250,000/year. I probably won’t ever make $250,000/year. So, this won’t cost me money. Right? Right? Wrong. Who invests in start ups? Who helps to fund new research? Who does this, this, this, this and this? The wealthy. I won’t go into the specifics, but rich people get very creative in ways to preserve their money. You can bet your ass that some money manager out there is going to have a shit-ton of clients when he figures out a way to shield them from this.
There’s so much left on this topic that it makes my headspin…but this is a start.
Oh…and Steve Driehaus? You are not who I thought you could be. Chabot 2010.

Pinch me…

2010-03-24T07:50:00.001-07:00

If you read my blog, you know that I had planned on starting the Jewish Hospital-monitored Optifast 800 weigh loss program today. However, fate stepped in and offered me the opportunity of a lifetime. I will be starting the program a week from today, but read on for my (in my humble opinion) sound reasoning.

At 3:30p on Monday, March 22nd I received the following email from the president of Xavier University’s Pep Band:

Hey Guys,
We are in need of a trombone and tuba players for Salt Lake City or for the women's round 2 game. Please let me know if you are available ASAP. Call me at 513-XXX-XXXX.

Salt Lake City: ($200...$50/day)
Leaving TOMORROW early afternoon... returning either Fri. or Sun (depending on game outcome).

Thanks, Michelle

That $50/day is a per diem, by the way, not a charge. So, I was being invited to go to Salt Lake City, UT to play with the XU Pep Band for the Xavier University Men’s Basketball team’s Sweet 16 and (hopefully) Elite 8 games.

After about 30 minutes of internal struggle about the weight loss program, I decided that I couldn’t pass this up. So, I’m currently typing this in the Starbucks inside of the Marriot – City Center in Salt Lake City, UT (or as a souvenir tee put it yesterday “SL,UT”).

We flew out of CVG on a chartered jet with the team, benefactors, and cheerleaders. That was a neat experience. There was minimal screening done and the plane was so cool. All of the seats were leather and business-class sized.

This is the plane that flew us from Cincinnati to Salt Lake City. The two people in the picture above are Joe Sunderman and Byron Larkin from 700 WLW. They are also each Xavier Basketball royalty.

The inside of the Sun County 737. That’s Joe Sunderman’s head sticking up…he is a VERY tall man. He is also one of the nicest and most gracious people I have ever met.

Right before we landed in Salt Lake City, we were treated to an absolutely amazing view of the Wasatch Mountains.

We landed in Salt Lake City and taxied to a private terminal that was pretentiously named Million Air. After I stopped laughing my ass off, we descended the stairs-on-a-pickup truck (pretty cool), took 10 steps (no more), and got onto our charter bus from the much more aptly-named Le Bus.

I stowed my sousaphone in our private meeting room, got my stuff to my room, and went with some friends to dinner at the California Pizza Kitchen. (I had to try this place since Joe Boyd’s son recommends it so highly). The Chipotle Chicken Pizza was fantastic. So was the bread. We need one in Cincinnati.

Good night’s sleep and two hours in a Starbucks…good times. Apparently, we are headed to the Utah Olympic Park in Park City this afternoon. I’m not sold on it, so I may try to beg off and see the Temple Square and other areas. I know that I’m 30yo and can make my own decisions, but I want to respect the rules that the band has set forth…they have been very gracious.

Until next time…

Letter of Medical Necessity=A swift kick to the figs.

2010-03-21T08:51:00.000-07:00

The degree of transparency with which I have approached this entire Free Jon project has been, well, freeing. So, with that in mind, I wanted to share the following text from my doctor's letter to my insurance company outlining the reasons why entering this program is medically necessary.
March 17, 2010

Re: Jonathan Meyer
DOB: 5/14/79

Dear Sir or Madam:

This letter is in regards to Jonathan Meyer and in regards to medical necessity for weight loss treatment. The patient is 30 years old, he is 6'5" tall and weighs 347 pounds. This gives him a body mass index of 41.3 which qualifies him as being morbidly obese. His medical history is significant for sever sleep apnea which has been treated with CPAP for some time now. This patient has had ongoing long-term issues with his weight and has been recalcitrant to lifestyle modifications and diet modifications. Because of his severe weigh problem exercise is very difficult and challenging given shortness of breath and joint pain and his sleep apnea is ligel directly related to his morbid obesity. The patient is highly motivated to change his weight but, unfortunately, with attempts at weight loss to date he has been unsuccessful. I have recommened the patiet pursue medical weight loss management at the Jewish Hospital Weight Loss Center and he is, again, motivated and interested in pursuing this as an option. Given his morbid obesity, waiting for treatment any longer will just leave him open for severe co-morbidities including diabetes, coronary disease, osteoarthritis, hypertentions, stroke and kidney disease, as you know.

I would strongly recommend that the patient be considered for approval for insurance coverage of his morbid obesity and medical weight loss management.
Obviously, this was painful for me to read. I sat at my desk at work after opening the fax and struggled not to run to my car and drive as far away from my computer monitor as possible. Instead, I forwarded it to my health claims processor and post it here for all to see now. While I knew that I was morbidly obese, and that I went to my doctor for the express reason off asking for the diagnosis and letter, it was still incredibly hard to read. I want to say, "I'm not diabetic! There's not even any family history! I have great blood pressure!" The reality, however, is that I could be the first diabetic in my family and that it's an inevitability if I don't make some changes.

I wrote earlier that the Free* all-church journey at Vineyard Community Church (and 50 other churches in the greater Cincinnati area) has had a tremendous impact on me. This morning affirmed that even more. Our worship pastor, Charlie Hines, lead a song that spoke tremondous me to my heart:
I am free to run
I am free to dance
I am free to live for You
I am free
The reality is...I am not free to run. Not physically, at least. I can barely jog to the end of my driveway and back. Dance...again...not really. I just get so tired and suffer in pain so easily. I am free to live for God, that's for sure. I try harder and harder every day to be a "freedom fighter," as Dave Workman put it today.

I am training to be a freedom fighter. I am fighting for my life, at this point. I know that I will succeed...and finally be free.

Big Chairs

2010-03-18T19:05:00.001-07:00

Sitting in the Jewish Hospital Weight Management Center…and there are lots of big chairs. Every doctor’s office waiting room in which I’ve ever waited has had the regular ol’ grey chairs that hurt my ass more than anything. At home, I sit on a couch or a love seat. At work, I have a big chair because it has to go up high enough to get me up to my raised desk (or that’s what I tell myself).
Here are a list of places that I cannot wait to visit and set my no-longer fat ass down in a chair:

Bravo Restaurant – they glue their booth tables to the wall…not gut-friendly.
Music Hall – this…this will be the best, I think.
AirTran Air Plane – I may have to fly to and from Baltimore from Dayton ($49 each way) in a middle seat just for shits and giggles.
Milford Retreat Center – I broke a chair there on my first Kairos. It will be a healing moment.
Barb and Rick Helmes’ house – ditto. Broke a chair there, too. Ironically, it is now in my living room, thanks to their giving spirit.
Great American Ballpark Bleacher Seats – Again, full of irony. This is the only area in the ballpark without arms, but there are little lines separating the seats…grrr.

Game Changer

2010-03-17T19:06:00.001-07:00

I went to the doctor this week for one reason and one reason only: to ask him to diagnose me as being morbidly obese. That’s incredibly depressing, let me assure you. It’s one thing to know it, but it’s another to be labeled.

The reason for this diagnosis is that I am entering the Jewish Hospital Weight Loss Program. The only way that I have any hope of getting help from my insurance company is for my doctor to tell me that I am endangering my life.

For the past few weeks, the Holy Spirit has been throwing things at me that cannot be ignored. The Free* series that my church has been going through was one of the first things that smacked me in the face. In my journal for the series, I wrote the following statement: “My inability to lose weight has made me believe that I cannot succeed in anything.”

Ouch.

Next, my pastor, Joe Boyd (author of the fantastic new book Between Two Kingdoms…it sold out on Amazon.com) talked about how his Biggest Loser scale told him that he was obese. He’s not big. I would kill to be his size. If he’s big…what am I?

Finally, one of my work friend’s neighbors, that is 35 years old, died in his sleep. He was perfectly healthy…what does that say for me?

I don’t want to leave a widow. I don’t want to miss my son growing into a man. I want to be able to join the AARP. I want to celebrate our 50th anniversary.

So, I’m going balls-to-the-wall. This program is meal-replacement shake based. 800 calories per day. It would be pretty average for me to lose 100 pounds by Christmas.

OMG (and that is a prayer). This process will also help my prayer life…no doubt.

This is going to get me blogging again for sure. I’ve missed it, but I needed some space. Now, I’m ready.

Vegetarian Adventure - Prep Week Two/Day One

2010-01-13T08:25:00.000-08:00

Two days this week: today and Friday. Meal plan is as follows:

Breakfast

PB Sandwich
Dunkin' Donuts Cinnamon Spice Coffee (awesome)

Lunch

Two of Chung's Frozen Vegetable Egg Rolls (without Sweet & Sour Sauce)
A cup of Basmati rice (I know...it's Indian and the Egg Rolls are Chinese...get over it)
Apple Sauce

Dinner

3-egg Omelet w/ 2% cheese
Broccoli

Still don't have a tasty spinach recipe for Friday. Help.

Jon & Amy's Washington, D.C. Trip: 1/20/10-1/24/10 - Google Maps

2010-01-12T17:42:00.000-08:00

Amy and I are taking a trip (sans child) to D.C. to celebrate our 10th anniversary. Here is a map that I am making to highlight key places on our trip.

Jon & Amy's Washington, D.C. Trip: 1/20/10-1/24/10 - Google Maps

I’ll be blogging while we’re there so that my mom can show Sam what we do everyday. I’d love your suggestions for things to do.

Rep. Steve Driehaus (D-OH) has a great staff in D.C. and one of them put together an awesome day of tours on Thursday, including the White House! To end that day, I have secured a meeting with Rep. Driehaus to discuss (care)cincinnati.

Jen Ludwin Update: Unbelievable News

2010-01-12T12:01:00.000-08:00

The most recent email recieved from my former colleague:
Greetings!

I know it has been awhile for an update, but the wait is worth it as I have some absolutely awesome news!

First of all, Jen has, as we all know, overcome some absolutely unbelievable odds. After close to 12 weeks of ICU, she is now BREATHING on her own and OUT of ICU! Two wonderful things. This also means she can finally talk. [Breathing and talking are two things I generally take for granted.] I would imagine that breathing on her own and talking are two things she is certainly enjoying now.

Jen has also had almost weekly reconstructive surgeries on her hands. Sandy Ludwin says, whereas Jen has lots more healing to go, she is progressing along the doctors’ expectations. The conversations now center on when she can move to the next space for healing as opposed to if she can move.

As always, the Ludwin family is most grateful for ALL support, both spiritually and otherwise. I know they are still shuttling back and forth between Columbus on a regular basis and can still use small meals or whatever food you can provide. See me if you can help in that way.

Once again, I see the power of prayer at work; keep those prayers coming!

My new toy (and tool) - Toshiba NB205 Netbook

2010-01-12T09:39:00.000-08:00

As you probably know, one of the exciting things going on in my life right now is the founding and running of (care)cincinnati. Unfortunately, it is extremely hard to find time in my busy schedule to run this organization. I can't do it during work because...well...I'm getting paid to work. My employer is already very supportive and understanding, but that just wasn't an option.

I won't do it at home because I value my time with Sammy and Amy too much. I'm already away every Thursday night for Southwest Ohio Symphonic Band rehearsal and some Wednesday nights for Microsoft Office classes that I teach at The Healing Center. The last thing that I want to do is be unavailable even more. Not only is it inconsiderate, but we all really enjoy this time together. He'll never be four again.

So, the only time left is my lunch hour. However, if I stay at my desk, I can never get anything done. People come up to me all the time to talk or ask questions. My phone will ring and I will invariably answer it. Plus, I just can't clear my head of all of the work stuff to concentrate on the outreach stuff.

I had been praying about it for awhile and finally found a solution. If I can afford to purchase a laptop computer, I can work from the lunch/break room at my place of employment and, in addition, have all of the information in one central place. This seemed dead-in-the-water since I didn't have any money...until I remembered that I had just recieved a vested stock grant from my employer. If I sold a percentage of the shares, I would have enough money to buy the netbook (and needed stuff), register us as a not-for-profit corporation, gain our 501(c)3 status, and start fundraising.

It took me all of 5 minutes to find a buyer. In fact, 4 people offered to buy the stock. Later, Amy reminded me that the shares wouldn't be available in my portfolio until February; the buyer offered to pay me advance anyway. Awesome.

So, after much research, I settled on the Toshiba NB205. It has everything that I wanted (small size, large keyboard, Windows 7, and long battery life) and it was affordable. Best Buy had the best price and one was in-stock at our neighborhood store.

So, (care)cincinnati now has an office. I will start updating the website often, blogging about out activities on the website, and writing grant proposals to benefactors. I will be writing thank you's, requesting donations, organizing outings, and designing newsletters. I am so excited.

Anyone else have a netbook? Like it? Love it? Hate it? This sounds interesting: Hackintosh.

Jon's Vegetarian Adventure - Prep day 1 recap

2010-01-08T08:37:00.003-08:00

So...it wasn't that bad. I think that it was the first time in...ever that I had a salad from a salad bar that did not contain bacon, turkey, ham, or chicken. I tried to like hard-boiled eggs...I don't. Here are some things that I learned from yesterday:

Mixed veggies aren't that bad with a little balsmic vinegar and red pepper flakes
Almost every soup known to man has beef/chicken stock or some kind of meat in it
I hate hard-boiled eggs
Little Caesar's Pizza is only good if there is pepperoni on it
You don't get much indigestion when you don't eat meat, but you get more gas (apologies to my Durango)

The only stuff outside of my comfort zone were the mixed veggies and the eggs. So, we had a split decision. As I said yesterday, my goal for next week is to find a vegetarian dish that I enjoy containing spinach.

Vegetarian Adventure - Prep Week One

2010-01-07T06:16:00.000-08:00

As I said in a previous post, I am going to spend the month of February 2010 as a vegetarian. More specifically, I am going to be a Lacto-ovo vegetarian. So, I will not be eating meat, poultry, and fish. This differs from other forms in that I will eat eggs, dairy and honey. For a good description of each, you can check out this page: http://vegetarian.about.com/od/vegetarianvegan101/tp/TypesofVeg.htm.

I found PETA's Vegetarian Starter Kit through a google search. They will mail it to you, but I try to keep my personal and contact info from fanatical groups. Although, anyone that can get Natalie Portman and Paul McCartney do make free appearances can't be all bad. My reasons for going veg are entirely different than what they have going on, but the recipes look good.

I would fill out the Pledge to be Veg, but (again) I don't want to be on their mailing list. I know that February is only 28 days, but I'll just eschew meat on the 30th and 31st of January, as well.

Today's menu is pretty innocuous:

Breakfast: Peanut Butter Sandwich on whole grain/double fiber bread.
Lunch: Tossed Salad with Balsamic Vinegar, hard-boiled eggs (which I hate, but provide good protein and fat), and a Thai Noodle Salad that they have here at work. If the Potato Soup doesn't have bacon in it, I may have a cup of that.
Dinner: Little Ceasar's cheese pizza and Crazy Bread

The only departures from the norm for me on this are (1) no bacon or turkey on the salad and (2) no pepperoni on the pizza. Honestly, neither one of these are dealbreakers or especially tasty.

Next week: Tues & Thurs Veg. I'm going to push myself to find a recipe involving spinach that I enjoy.

Jon's Vegetarian Adventure

2010-01-02T08:05:00.000-08:00

I saw a story on local media over the couple of weeks about a guy from Cincy that lost over 350 pounds over 3 years. Now, I don't have that to lose. If I did, I would be Jimminy Effin' Cricket. I do, however have about 1/3 of that to lose. He exercised...a lot. The biggest life change, however, was going vegetarian.

Those who know me know that I am a big fan of everything meat: bacon, beef, chicken, pork, bacon...all of it. However, even I am not so delerious as to think that this doesn't have an impact on my health and weight. So, I decided to have a controlled experiment.

Starting on February 1st, I will not eat any meat for 28 days. I will still eat EggBeaters, cheese, and all other animal products. I am not doing this for ethical reasons. God created all of the animals of the land, sea, and air for man's use, and I have no problem with cookin' up a good burger or chop.

Starting next week, I will spend 1 mire day per week not eating any meat. Then, on 2/1, I will cut it all out for 1 month. I want to do this for more than just health reasons, as well. Amy (my wife of 10 years) hates that I am so limited in what produce I will eat. So, I am hoping that these 28 days will provide a chance for me to find preparation methods for some of my least favorite vegetables that Amy, Sam (my 4-year-old), and I all enjoy.

I welcome you comments, recipes, and mockery on this blog's comment pages. Here is a list of my least favorite veggies:
-lima beans
-peas
-brussel sprouts
-cauliflower

Okay...I have about 20 more on this list, so let's just say that I only like corn, potatoes, baked beans, and iceberg. I will also eat soy beans and green beans, but I don't like it.

Bring it on...I need some inside info. What do you veggies and vegans enjoy?

Singing the National Anthem with the Xavier Band

2009-12-29T19:24:00.000-08:00

This was so much fun. I wish I could do this all the time. I love performing with a live ensemble.

Overflow happens

2009-12-18T20:32:00.000-08:00

When I decided to ask some friends to join me in a little outreach to help the homeless of downtown Cincinnati, I was so happy that a few people wanted to help. I felt pushed to email my friends Morgan and see if she wanted to help out. Her response was an emphatic "yes."

I made some more calls and sent some more emails. I decided early on not to be pushy or demanding. I didn't want to push guilt onto anyone. I rarely asked people more than once if they wanted to help.

Just before this all started, I heard a podcast that talked about blessings in your life. The theme was "God will only bless you as much as you have the faith to believe." If you have faith that God will overflow your cup, then it will (in due time) overflow.

Here's where it get's interesting.

If you have faith that God will overflow not just a cup, but a bucket, you will be abliged..again, in due time. The same goes for a bucket, a barrel or a barn. If you trust and believe, it will happen.

I decided early on to trust big. When I asked companies/generous individuals for donations, I said "We're going to put together 200 bags, but whatever you can do will help. If you can do 200, that would be amazing." To me, 200 was "barrel" territory. I'm not to barn level yet, but I'm working on it.

The response was overflow.

288 decks of playing cards
350+ resuable shopping bags
200 pairs of socks
400 handwarmers
300 foot warmers
100 sets of toothbrushes and toothpaste
100 sets of scarves, hats and gloves.
200 bottles of water
100 boxes of candy
100 coupons for a free breakfast combo @ Wendy's
16 top-quality rolling duffle bags (to be filled for families that we encounter)

Keep in mind, this is in addition to the bags that were donated by individuals. The above list is just what was donated above-and-beyond the (care)bags. I prayed for a barrel and got a barn. You can bet your arse that I switched to barn. I feel a stadium coming on.

(care)olers and (care)cincinnati were figments of my imagination. A "what if" that my over-active mind dreamt up. I finally had the courage to tell one person. The response gave me the courage to tell two more. From there, it went all nuts...in a great way.

Tomorrow, 300+ citizens of Cincinnati that don't have an address, telephone number, or roof of their own will be shown compassion. They will be loved without conditions. They will be warmed in body and soul. I couldn't have imagined that this would happen. I couldn't be happier that it has.

God has truly blessed this group. I feel it everyday. I have had things happen to me that have NEVER happened before. I have dreamt things that have happened and things have happened that I could NEVER have dreamt in my wildest dreams.

I hoped for 50 bags and we have over 300. My next hope was for 50 (care)olers. I can't wait to see what the morning brings. I'll be in Washington Park @ noon singing Oh Come, All Ye Faithful with my newest friends. I pray that all of you have the courage to do the same. What a day for Cincinnati...what a day.

Peace, my friends.
BPJ.

For more information on (care)olfest, (care)olers, and (care)cincinnati, visit us @ http://www.carecincinnati.org/.

Oh-Eight, Oh-Nine, Oh-No....

2009-12-16T06:22:00.000-08:00

I sensed this two year ago. My particular industry works in three-year terms sometimes, so we started dealing with 2010 during 2007. People had been saying, "Oh-Six to Oh-Nine" for that three-year term, and then I heard them start saying, "Oh-Seven to Oh-Ten.". Beh.

I'll agree with you that there is a zero before the ten in 2010. However, you didn't say "Double-Oh Seven" for 2007, did you? Huh? No.

If you don't want to say "Oh-nine to ten", just say "Oh-nine to One-Oh." Personally, I prefer "Ought-Nine to Twenty-ten." I think that it has a nice ring to it.

So, you car dealerships out there, you are NOT selling "Oh-Ten Elantras" or "Oh-Ten F-150s". Just say "Two-thousand and ten."

Jen Ludwin Update

2009-12-14T19:04:00.000-08:00

I've exchanged e-mails with Jen's mom over the last few days and all seems to be going well. Jen is going through a round of surgery on her hands/fingers that are very painful, but she seems in good spirits. She still has a trach in, so they have to read her lips.

They're watching TV, movies, doing crosswords and taking good naps. Not ready for visitors yet, but we'll keep you posted.

Keep praying...it's worked so far.

Father God,
Thank you for all that you've done for your daughter, Jenny.
Thank you for knowing that there is more for her to do here
on earth than in heaven.
We praise you for knowing the reasons and ask that you make
them known to her when the time is right.
Through your Son we pray,
Amen

Winter haiku

2009-12-07T19:08:00.001-08:00

battery is dead
it sure picked the wrong morning
please start tomorrow

(care)olers

2009-12-02T06:00:00.000-08:00

I haven't written much on here about this, but I am heading up the formation of a non-profit group called (care)cincinnati. Our main outreach is called (care)olers. Read all about it by clicking here.

I have TONS of bags that I can give to you to fill. I'm going to get some business cards with our information on the front and a shopping list on the back. If you are interested in passing some out, just let me know. Even if 25% of them come back, that would be hundreds of bags. Awesome. Just...awesome.

We are working with some venues downtown to get approval for singing and I am trying to coordinate with a shelter or homeless organization to coordinate a distribution of the bags on the afternoon of December 19th.

If you are interested in helping in some way, please contact me through this blog or through the website above.

Peace,
BPJ

My Christmas-time performances...so far

2009-11-20T06:43:00.000-08:00

People usually ask me around this time of year where I will be performing. So, here you go. I'm sure some stuff will be added...plus all of the (care)olers stuff.

Friday, November 27th

Singing with the Holly & Ivy Carolers @ Cincinnati Premium Outlets - 2:00p-4:00p

Sunday, November 29th

Singing with the Holly & Ivy Carolers @ Cincinnati Premium Outlets - 2:00p-4:00p

Sunday, December 6th

Playing tuba with the Southwest Ohio Symphonic Band @ Miami University - Middletown Finkelman Auditorium - 2:30p

Saturday, December 12th

Playing tuba at the Greater Cincinnati TubaChristmas @ Newport on the Levee - 3:00p
Singing with the Holly & Ivy Carolers @ Western Hills Country Club - Private Event

Sunday, December 13th

Singing with the Holly & Ivy Carolers @ Cincinnati Premium Outlets - 2:00p-4:00p

Wednesday, December 16th

Directing the Cincinnati Insurance Singers and singing several solos for the PrimeTime Christmas Party @ Friendship United Methodist Church - Private Event

Saturday, December 19th

Singing/Playing with the (care)olers and delivering (care)bags downtown. - time TBD - please sign-up for updates...we'd love to have you with us!!!!

Sunday, December 20th

Singing with the Holly & Ivy Carolers @ Cincinnati Premium Outlets - 2:00p-4:00p

Tuesday, December 29th

Singing the National Anthem @ Cintas Center for the Xavier Men's Basketball game vs. Lousiana State University - 7:00p (also playing in the Pep Band!)

Holy tired ramblings, Batman.

2009-11-14T14:32:00.000-08:00

That last entry is a hot mess. I'll try that topic again in a few. It was about midnight and I was exhausted.

Where there is despair, hope

2009-11-12T20:28:00.000-08:00

The Prayer of St. Francis has always been very special to me. In a series of entries over the next couple of weeks I plan to break down each line and what it means to me.

"Where there is despair, hope"

Despair sucks. Bad. There is nothing as bad as the feeling that one has when you know that all hope is lost and that there is no way out. Anyone that has suffered through or is currently suffering from depression can tell you that. There were periods of time in my early twenties where I barely left our apartment. I skipped class like it was my job. I called in sick to work non-stop. It got so bad at one point that Amy called the principal of the school where I was teaching and asked if I had been missing a lot of days. She knew something was wrong...

I knew something was wrong too, but I was too clouded by depair to see what "it" was. Everything about my life seemed to be horrible. All I wanted to do was sit at home and watch The Price is Right and The Jerry Springer Show. I was addicted to pornography, something of which I am terribly ashamed. I lied to everyone about everything. I told school that work was keeping me from coming and I told work that school was taking up all my time.

I never studied. I didn't see the use. I got by on reading the chapters right before the classes that I actually decided to attend. I am blessed with an above-average intelligence. Unfortunately, I wasn't using it to it's full potential; I was using it to barely get by.

I know now what was going on: I suffer from Major Depressive Disorder (more specifically: atypical depression) and Attention Deficit Disorder. So, my brain was working against itself on two different fronts: I wanted to be away from everyone to avoid rejection and stimuli, but my attention issues craved stimuli. It caused serious mood swings and outbursts. I was a total mess.

Hope for me came in several different forms:

-My wife, Amy. She never gave up on me. She always supported what I needed to do.

-My therapist, Jaime. She was amazing. She "got" me, and most of my major breakthroughs happened though our sessions.

-Psychotropic drugs. More specifically: citalopram

It happened slowly, but I sought treatment, changed my life, shed my baggage, and moved on. I simplified my life and took my medicine and it helped immensely. My current doctor said it in a way that I hadn't really thought about it before: "You take these medicines not to be 'better', but to be 'normal'." I had always seen my anti-depressent as a way of helping. I never thought of trying more until it worked.

So, recently, I started to take ADD medicine, and it has changed my life. I have ambitition, control, concentration, and determination. Quite frankly, it's amazing.

For many people, despair comes in other equally-ghastly forms. Any time you can't see "the bright side of things", you are dangerously dangling over the precipice of depair. I have a friend at work (hi, if you're reading this) that's experiencing a bit of dispair right now. This person doesn't feel like their job is doable in it's current form; that there's too much expected out of this person and their peers.

The dangerous part of that mindset is that it transitions you from doubt to dispair. Once you cross that gap, it takes much more effort to cross back over.

I have recently taken on the mindset of "God won't throw anything at me that I can't handle." I have more work on my desk now than I have in a LONG time, but I have a plan and I know that I can get through. If I allow myself to get bogged down by the sheer volume of work, I'm done-for...and I've been there before.

Much worse than work issues are relationship issues. As humans, we invest so much into interpersonal relationships. When the relationship is of a romantic nature, the investment jumps exponetially. So it is to be expected that when one party in a long-term romantic relationship suddenly calls it quits, the other party falls down into the pit very quickly. I have a family member going through this now and they're working through it. It's has taken them months to start crawling out though. I don't know that they could have avoided it, to be honest. This person is blessed, however, with a GREAT support system.

The final key to this whole puzzle is "the Man." While we claw and scrape to climb out of our pit, leaning on Jesus sure makes it a lot easier. He doesn't do all the work for you, but it's like the difference between climbing a mountain without gear, or having a Sherpa to quide you.

Jesus doesn't physically sit by your side and talk to you. If He does, you're either divine or crazy. What He does do is give you a road map to get out of whatever it is that you may be stuggling with:

-Trust in Him. You have got to trust that God's got your back.

   -Read the Word. Get out your bible and read two passages
       -Job. I know, it's not a passage; it's a book.
       -Romans 5:1-8. Hard to argue with the logic.

This is a tough topic for me. Maybe it's too close to my heart, or maybe it's just too big for me to tackle. I think this one's going to need a part II.

Post or Read Comments

Jen Ludwin Update

2009-11-10T12:59:00.000-08:00

I recieved another update from my contact at Roger Bacon. It all appears to be going as well as can be hoped/expected.

As soon as she's out of the ICU, I'll be up to visit her.

Subject: Jenny update
Date: Tuesday, November 10, 2009, 10:22 AM

Greetings!

Sometimes, no news means not-bad news. Mostly, in this case, that holds to be true.

I spoke with Sandy last night and Dave on Sunday. Jenny is still in ICU; will be for some undetermined time, I believe, and then rehab for months. She is having good days and bad days and having lots of procedures done. I cannot imagine. Her lungs are progressing to where the doctors expect them to be at this time. Her mental health is good; they have figured ways for her to communicate her needs and feelings. She even watched movies and football Sunday night! She is awake and responsive more than before.

Again, Sandy and Dave Ludwin both expressed gratitude for all of the prayers, good wishes, and food sent their way from the Bacon community and beyond. Thanks for your prayers and help!

A big idea

2009-11-06T16:36:00.000-08:00

I've been thinking more and more about what it would mean to be homeless and/or living in poverty. I know that many people see homelessness as a choice, or "the easy way out." I'm sure that there are those for whom that is the truth. However, I believe that to be the exception to the rule. Unfortunately, that is also the stereotype that many people attach to the panhandler living amongst our parks, fountains, and stoops.

I know that I can't eradicate poverty. I know that I can't get every homeless man and women a roof and three squares. But there is one thing that I do know how to do: make music.

There are a couple ideas that I have been bouncing around.
1) getting together a group of singer friends (and non-singers that want to go) and setting up shop near P.B.S. before a Bengals game. I thought that it might be cool to work with one or more of the drumming guys down there to help them get more tips.

2) getting together a similar group of instrumentalists and doing the same thing. May. With a group of singers.

3) performing FOR the homeless during the game. I have a feeling that the just wait for the game to let out. A little musical entertainment couldn't be less interesting...or maybe it would.

In conjunction with all of this, I would like to put together some bags with some things that would be either essential or a luxury to someone that doesn't have a roof to call their own:
1) gloves, scarves and hats (bought at the Totes Outlet with donations. Believe it or not, I'm also learning to knit so that I can make them while I watch tv shows/sports.
2) crank radio/flashlight (this would be a little bit harder, but maybe there's a benefactor out there.)
3) granola bars, candy bars, reusable water bottles.

I know that this sounds ambitious, but I can't get it out of my head. Surely some of you work for companies that have entire storerooms of 'swag' left over from some event. Maybe you know someone that owns a business that has a big heart. I've seen tons of those drawstring backpacks around...I'm sure that there's a lonely box somewhere.

I need help with this for it to ever work. Do you feel the same pull to help "the least of our brothers"?

Comment below or send me an e-mail. Let's cut through the stereotypes and help the people.

Jenny Ludwin Update

2009-11-03T10:30:00.000-08:00

This is an email from Jenny's parents:

From: Jen's Parents
Sent: Tuesday, November 03, 2009 7:55 AM
Subject: Update

Over the last week, progress has been very slow.

Jenny continues to be in ICU and will likely be there for another week or so. She is still very sick.

They have removed the dialysis and her kidneys seem to be working fairly normal most of the time. She is on a vent machine and they are working on reducing the amount of work the machine is doing. On Sunday, they
did a breathing test where she did her own breathing for about 50 minutes. That went well and will likely continue with another period today.

She continues to respond to questions by nodding her head for a yes or no answer. This has been fairly consistent for almost a week.

Since she is a little more stable, they will be conducting a lot more tests to determine her short and long term prognosis.

Please continue to pray for her as she continues with her progress.

Dave and Sandy Ludwin

Two words: PRAISE GOD!!!

Rest in Peace, Charlie Matthews

2009-10-31T09:22:00.000-07:00

I recieved this from the CaringBridge page for Charlie this morning. It was written by his amazingly loving and devoted wife, Angie.

Charlie passed away peacefully this morning with family and close friends by his side. His 37 years were packed with so much life and joy. In the coming days we will be sure to post information about services and funeral arrangements. It would mean so much to mean for all of you to be there to remember him.

Thanks for your support through this. He fought a good fight.

With love,
Angie

Charlie is one of those people that I wish I would have gotten to know. I knew him in passing and, as a musician, I admired his musicality. I talked to him once or twice and complimented him on his playing. I loved to watch him play the bass and march to a particularly up-beat song.

Any time that I hear of the passing of someone this young and vibrant the shocking reality of my mortality hits home. Charlie had young kids...just like my Sam. Charlie was to begin a new, exciting chapter in his life the day after he had to go into the hospital by becoming the new Senior Pastor at Mason Vineyard. I have prayed more fervently since I heard of his illness, but I know that God has a plan.

As I type this post my seemingly Jesus-controlled iPod is singing these glaringly timely lyrics by Matt Redman:

You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say,
"Lord, blessed be Your name!"

Jen Ludwin Update

2009-10-29T18:37:00.000-07:00

I'm going to get some prayer service stuff up here later, but I wanted to let you know that Jen has suffered some setbacks. Apparently, she is having some problems with fluid in her lungs. In addition, the doctors have discovered at least one tear in her lungs.

Please continue to pray for Jen and her family. These are some serious complications...miracles are in order.

Letter from Jen Ludwin's Parents

2009-10-27T10:18:00.000-07:00

This letter came from the Director of Alumni Relations at Roger Bacon. She recieved it from the Ludwins today.

From Dave and Sandy Ludwin

I wanted to send an update out to the Bellarmine and Roger Bacon communities.

Over the last several days Jen has shown signs of slight improvement.

She is relatively more stable and they have started the process of decreasing the meds. This will take several days to get flushed out.
She continues to be on the vent but they are trying to wean her off. They have started the assessment process of damage to her but it is too early to tell. Biggest concerns are heart lungs and brain.

She is responding to our voices and can answer basic questions with head motions. She is still very sick and will be in ICU for at least one to two weeks.

Your continued support and prayers are greatly appreciated. Please feel free to pass this information along. Please let me know that you received this.

Dave and Sandy Ludwin

"Recovery" is such a beautiful word

2009-10-27T06:08:00.000-07:00

Good morning, All!

Here is an email that I just recieved from the same former colleague from Roger Bacon:

Greetings All!

I just received a brief note from Sandy Ludwin about Jen’s progress. Many of you have been asking, so I thought I would send a brief update: Sandy says she believes the prayers are working and that Jen has a long road to recovery ahead of her. Personally, I loved that update! Thanks for all of your prayers and concerns; keep it up! I believe all of the Ludwin family has been buoyed by the support and prayers sent their way.

Recovery is such a beautiful word.

Remember to come to the prayer service tomorrow night at Roger Bacon...6:45pm.

Peace,
BPJ

Prayer Service for Jen Ludwin on Wednesday at Roger Bacon

2009-10-26T12:20:00.000-07:00

Friends,

Jen is making progress, so it is evident that our prayers for intercession are working. While our individual prayers are great, group prayer is even better. I like to think of the scene in Horton Hears a Who where the sound of thousands of voices are amplified in a colorful beam of energy...let's do it! Even if you don't know her, if you're free, come and see how one person can impact so many.

We'll be on the St. Francis Plaza on Wednesday, October 28th at 6:45pm. The more the merrier...let's overflow all over the entire campus. CLICK THIS LINK for directions. Here's a picture of where St. Francis Plaza is at Roger Bacon:

I'll be planning it with Bob Von Luehrte. We are both blessed to know Jen and were the adult leaders on retreats that Jen helped to lead. We don't have details yet, but email (in my "about me" page in upper right) me with ideas. There will be prayer, scripture, song, and more. We'll have a banner to sign and we'll video it to send to her and her family.

We'll need the following for sure:

Vigil Candles (Can anyone donate?)
Readers
Musicians
Someone that can procure a non-paper, durable banner to take up to her. Anyone know or work for a compassionate sign company owner?
Videographer (anyone?)
Photographer (anyone?)
Bodies!!!!!
People to pray with and care for people that may become overcome by emotions or Holy Spirit.

Keep praying! Our Father God is listening to our hearts and holding Jen in the palm of His mighty hand.

Peace,
BPJ

Jen Ludwin Update #5

2009-10-25T17:05:00.001-07:00

Praise God!!! Jen is coming out sedation. She recognizes her family, but is still on the vent. Thanks again for the update, Jake!

Jen Ludwin Update #4

2009-10-24T17:25:00.001-07:00

Courtesy of Jake Brians:

Jake visited the hospital on Friday. Thanks for the updates, brother.

Jen Ludwin Update #3

2009-10-24T09:39:00.001-07:00

No news is good news, I guess. Jen has had a couple of good days. She is still gravely I'll, but the prayers are obviously being heard.

There was a prayer service this morning at St. Vivian Catholic Church in Finneytown. It was organized by Sandy's (mom's) CRHP group and her book club.

If any of you hear of further prayer services, please let me know. I'm going to contact BVL at Bacon on Monday about organizing a RB alumni prayer service this week (Wed night?).

To recap, as far as I've heard, Jen has H1N1 and a blood infection. I don't know which was first. She is on a ventilator and dialysis and, from what I've been told, she had surgery at least once to troubleshoot some problem organs. If you know more, or differently, let me know.

Keep on praying and ask more people to pray. You'd be surprised what people will do when asked.

Peace
J.

The message I just sent to Jen on facebook

2009-10-22T19:40:00.001-07:00

Come on Jen...I want that return message...

Jenny Ludwin Update #2

2009-10-22T08:54:00.000-07:00

I just recieved another email that was from Jenny's mother to my former colleague. Please pray even harder, if that's possible...Jen is struggling mightily.

From: Jenny's Mom
Sent: Thursday, October 22, 2009, 10:56 AM
To: Teacher at Roger Bacon
Subject: Re: Jen

Jen is worse and we are getting close to having pull life support. If she survives there will be amputation of toes and fingertips and they are worried about brain and lung damage. Temp and heart rate are going wacky right now.

It's not good news, but it's the only news that I have. Please pray hard...very hard.

Peace,
BPJ

P.S. If you are reading this because of the link from facebook put up around noon on 10/22/09, know that I can't read any messages or comments because I am at work. If you need to talk to me for some reason, you can email me. To get my email address, just click on the photo to the right and then click on the link in my "About Me" page that says "Email".

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Jenny Ludwin Update #1

2009-10-21T06:56:00.000-07:00

This was forwarded to me by a former colleague at Roger Bacon. It is from Jenny's mother.

From: Jenny's Mom
Sent: Wednesday, October 21, 2009 8:36 AM
To: Teacher at Roger Bacon
Subject: Re: Jen

I can get my emails on my blackberry. Thanks for the prayers. She held her own last night. Is still unconscious and on ventilator and dialysis. Multiple organs have failed but they have been able to support them all. She is feisty and fighting for all she is worth.

Please, keep prayer for Jenny and Charlie Matthews. Charlie, the senior pastor at Mason Vineyard, is also still fighting for his life. Healthy man in his early thirties, wife and two kids, and double pneumonia. He's having a tracheotomy done today, so plays pray for a complication-free procedure and multiple benefits from the new airway.

Peace,
BPJ

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Wednesday morning sonnet

2009-10-21T05:47:00.000-07:00

Sonnet II

at times it’s hard to see your presence here

it seems that nothing in this world goes right

we wait for word throughout the long, still night

we pray we find good news, not news to fear
the people that we love, that we hold dear
too often are the ones chosen to fight
the question often brought up, wrong or right
why is it that the Lord will not appear?
but just when all seems lost and hopes, they wane
the miracle for which we pray begins to show
the God in whom we trust, He shows His hand
the blessing may appear as lessened pain
it may be that this world, they must forgo
but rest assured, they’ve felt His love firsthand

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Urgent Prayer Request

2009-10-20T15:27:00.000-07:00

Friends and Strangers,

One of my former students, Jenny Ludwin, is fighting for her life against the H1N1 flu in the ICU at the OSU Medical Center in Columbus. Jenny is one of the good ones...one of the most giving people I've met.

I had the good fortune to lead a retreat with her at Roger Bacon just before I resigned from there. She's on a ventilator and fighting a mean blood infection.

Please, please, please prayer for her. I know that there are so many people to pray for these days (including Charlie Matthews), but please include her in your talks with God.

If you don't pray much and don't really know how, just settle yourself, clear your mind, and read this. It doesn't have to be outloud, if that weirds you out.

Father God,
I lift up Jenny to your care. If it is Your will, please deliver her from this terrible virus. Father, I ask that You give strength to her lungs, that You clear her blood, and that through Your Son, Jesus, You heal her of all illness.

Father, allow us all to speak together for her in the words of David, "Oh Lord my God, I called to your for help and you healed me."

Through Christ our Lord we pray,
Amen

Thank you all...

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A Monday evening cinquain

2009-10-19T16:11:00.000-07:00

sammy
happy silly
running laughing smiling
a superhero in training
son

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A Sunday morning haiku

2009-10-18T08:07:00.000-07:00

ass warmer in car

best way to start the morning

thank you mister dodge

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Getting in on the ground floor

2009-10-17T07:37:00.000-07:00

People that became the original investors in the Coca-Cola Company made incredible amounts of money. Their return on investment was incredible. The list of opportunities that people have taken advantage of to build their wealth is a mile long. We all wish that we had been among these lucky/smart people. What did they see that everyone else missed?

For the last three weeks, my church has been discussing the birth of the church. Not a specific church, but the church as the Body of Christ. The series is entitled The Jesus Underground. We've been reading the book of Acts. To be perfectly honest, I had never studied Acts in-depth before now. It's a shame really; where better to find the answers to the questions about faith with which we all struggle?

For those of you that aren't familiar with the book of Acts, here's, a little analogy for you:
The Gospel of Luke is to the Book of Acts what The Two Towers is to The Fellowship of the Ring.

If you haven't read them recently, you really should. If you're a Believer, it will help you to realize how we got where we are today; if you are not a Believer, read it with fresh eyes. Ask yourself what it would take for you to see to believe...because these men and women saw that.

If you spend a lot of time online, you can read it here. If you are a friend of mine and you prefer an actual book, let me know. I'll give you a copy of the New Testament.

It tells the story of how the "disciples" became the "apostles." Disciple means follower, but apostle means witness. How these men and women became willing to die to get the story out. They got in on the ground floor. They learned about Jesus from Jesus. No matter who you are, this is a good story.

There is a verse that has been stuck in my brain for the last couple of days. Acts 3:6.

I have no silver or gold, but what I do have I give you.

I don't have a lot of money, but what I can give is myself.

Brick Testament

2009-10-14T06:58:00.000-07:00

Courtesy of my cyber-friend Steve.

The Brick Testament

The Hardest Part of Love is the Letting Go: A Made for DVR Love Story

2009-10-14T03:37:00.000-07:00

Before the beautiful wonderfulness of the DVR made it into my house, I would know when it was time to stop watching a TV show. I would just not want to watch it or not want to go through the hassle of setting the VCR timer and getting a blank tape ready.

But now...oh the ease of the DVR. It's the quintessential Ron Popiel "Set It And Forget It" service. You set it to record ONE TIME, choose "All" or "New" and the DVR just does your bidding. However, there is a dark side to this marvel of boob tube technology.

You become a slave the DVR. It mocks you with it's list of shows. You see that you have four Law and Order recorded and you feel like you have to "catch up." But why? If this was 1995, you would be four episodes behind and you'd just think, "Eh...I'm done with this show. I'll watch it if it's on."

I have decided to go retro and purge my DVR. Not entirely...I'm not crazy. I am clearing out old episodes of many-a-show, and deleting timers to free myself of much of the mind-numbing slavery which ate at my 9:00p-11:00p time frame.

Without further adieu...the "let go":

Law & Order
Survivor
America's Got Talent
The Biggest Loser
Dancing with the Stars
Diners, Drive-ins, and Dives
Community
Parks and Recreation

That represents eight hours of my week that I can have back...and that's not even my whole list. Eight hours is a lot of time. Good bye, old friends.

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Where there is doubt, faith

2009-10-13T15:38:00.000-07:00

The Prayer of St. Francis has always been very special to me. In a series of entries over the next couple of weeks I plan to break down each line and what it means to me.

"Where there is doubt, faith"

We face doubt nearly every day of our lives. While we often doubt others, it is ourselves whom we doubt the most. We doubt our abilities when it comes to just about everything. If you are one of the lucky few that has a super-strong confidence, I salute you. You go day-in-and-day-out knowing that you can do exactly what you put your mind to. Unfortunately, you are in an even deeper whole than the rest of us. Reason being, at some point you will fail. You will either fail yourself or someone will let you down when it really counts...someone that you can't just cut out of your life.

There it is...doubt.

While the opposite of doubt in just about every grammar book is "confidence," the author of this prayer takes it out of the tangible and puts it into the intangible...faith. Let's define these three words to examine exactly what we're talking about:

Doubt: a feeling of uncertainty about the truth, reality, or nature of something.
Confidence: full trust; belief in the powers, trustworthiness, or reliability of a person or thing
Faith: belief that is not based on proof

The subtle difference between the last two make all the difference. When you have confidence in something, you have full trust because there is a track record...a history that supports your conviction. When you have faith in something, you need no proof.

I have confidence that I will be able to drive from here to Panera when I'm done to meet with some new friends to discuss the current series at V.C.C. on the Book of Acts: The Jesus Underground. I have this confidence because I've left here before and driven to Tri-County. I know the way and even if I encounter traffic, I know alternate routes.

Looking at the same situation, I have faith that God will get me there safely. Here's the kicker: if I don't arrive safely, and am in an accident or something equally terrible, I know that there is a reason. I have faith not just that God will get me there safely, but that if I don't get there safely, God had other plans for me.

Now, I know that God's not my co-pilot or my Garmin. I know that I still need to be careful and drive just as defensively as ever, but I have faith that, at the end of the night, I will be where God wishes me to be. Hopefully, that is safe in bed, sandwiched between the heated mattress pad, flannel sheets, and the heavy denim comforter.

I don't believe in predestination. I don't believe that God decides how my life will progress and end at the moment I'm born. However, I do know that God has his thumb in the middle of my back, gently steering me, but allowing me to follow my own free will. My faith comes in His steering...I trust his direction. If I doubt where my life is leading me, I pray about it and listen intently. Then, I have faith that my decision is the right one.

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A.D.D and Me - 1 week followup

2009-10-08T06:26:00.000-07:00

As a middle school, high school and college student, I often wondered how all of the other students did it. How did they do so much and still be so successful? I was able to excel in Music, but that required little effort because for the talent with which I was blessed.

Well, my friends, I’ve figured it out: they didn’t have the 6-lane highway of thoughts coursing through their brains at 70 miles per hour. I always assumed that most people had to cope with the never-ending, always-shifting thought patterns flying around their consciousness.

In what has become a common theme in this blog and my life: I was wrong.

I have now been on A.D.D. medicine for one week and I cannot believe the impact that it has had on my life. The most important thing: I’m still me. I don’t feel different during the day; I just don’t notice everything going on around me. My mind doesn’t shoot off like a Tron disc to whatever it chooses. If I’m working on something, I stay on task.

I have the ability at work to run a report to see how much work I’ve routed around in one of our systems. It makes up about 80% of my workload, so it’s a pretty good indicator. My productivity is up 252% from last week. Wrap your heads around that one. What used to take me five days to do now takes two days. I get the same amount of work completed by 11:15am that use to require a full day to complete.

I’m not jumpy, hyper, overly-energized, glazed-over, high, low, tired, “out of it”, or any other phrase that you could use to describe how a person taking a psychotropic drug might act.

I was always worried that I would somehow be a failure for taking drugs for my two main debilitations: depression/anxiety & attention deficit. Now that I am finally treating both effectively, I wish that I could have a do-over on life. I wonder what I could have achieved and accomplished. I’ve been over that before…it doesn’t do a person any favors to reminisce about things that never will or never could be redone.

I used to have a mind that would send out feelers like the roots of a weed. I would keep an ear on every conversation within ear-shot. Now, I focus on what I need to complete and I complete it.

Quite simply: I can now live up to my potential…and I’m excited to see what God has in store for me.

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Where there is injury, pardon

2009-10-06T17:05:00.000-07:00

The Prayer of St. Francis has always been very special to me. In a series of entries over the next couple of weeks I plan to break down each line and what it means to me.

"Where there is inury, pardon"

And you thought that dealing with hatred was bad. Suffering through hatred is not half as bad as learning to forgive. There is nothing in life that we hold onto harder than a grudge...money does come in a close second. The worst part of all is that I can't remember half as many of the injuries that I have caused as grudges that I hold.

Forgiving another person goes against every built-in mechanism that we humans have. We are survivors. We look out for "number 1." We protect what is ours. We are proud of what we do. So, when someone attacks us, our natural instinct is to do one of two things:

Fight back
Go all armadillo and protect ourselves

Either way, the grudge is only minutes away. If you fight back, you may feel good about what you did for a second, but then the original hurt of the attack is compounded by the hurt felt because of the confrontation. This kind of hurt usually manifests itself as animosity. If you curl up like a roly poly bug, it's only a matter of time before you have to come out of your shell and face the world. This kind of hurt usually builds up until you snap.

The memory of being hurt last much longer than the memory of hurting another. It's natural for our mind to sweep that up in the dustpan with the periodic table and long division...things once important but now forgotten. You say something to someone and you might not see them again for years.

For the one that is hurt, things are much different. I still remember a specific day in high school that hurts me to my core. We were getting changed for a Friday football game during my junior year and I had been one of the people in charge of teaching the routine to the band during the week. We were called the Brain Trust.

After putting on my oh-so-dapper uniform, I stopped to remind a fellow band member about a specific routine with which they had a problem grasping. Halfway through my sentence I was interupted by the guy as he spat at me, "Shut up, you fat fuck." If I'm being honest with myself, that still hurts.

I was an armadillo. I hurried away into the hallway like I had something else to do. It took everything that I had to keep from losing it. I was a fragile young man. I was self-conscious and self-loathing. I was, indeed, fat. I was also loud, obnoxious, and a know-it-all. (I wouldn't learn until adulthood that I suffered from chemical depresison and A.D.D.)

I didn't forgive that classmate for years. I never told him that I forgave him and he didn't ask, but the minute I said it to myself, I felt so much better. He had never apologized and still never has. He is a facebook friend of mine, so I guess that he may read this. If he does, I want him to know that he is forgiven.

The 20th century author and theologian Lewis Smedes said it best:

To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.

Forgiveness, as it relates to this prayer, is very easy for some and even harder than forgiving another person for others. "Lord, make me more like you. Where I have been hurt, let me forgive without regret." That's how Jesus forgives. If we are to become an instrument of His peace, what is required of us is actively forgiving ourselves and others with wreckless abandon.

God's forgiveness through Jesus is free and absolute. Mark 2:1-12 is one of my favorite stories of the outright boldness of Christ's forgiving nature.

Mark 2
A Paraplegic
^1-5 After a few days, Jesus returned to Capernaum, and word got around that he was back home. A crowd gathered, jamming the entrance so no one could get in or out. He was teaching the Word. They brought a paraplegic to him, carried by four men. When they weren't able to get in because of the crowd, they removed part of the roof and lowered the paraplegic on his stretcher. Impressed by their bold belief, Jesus said to the paraplegic, "Son, I forgive your sins."
^6-7Some religion scholars sitting there started whispering among themselves, "He can't talk that way! That's blasphemy! God and only God can forgive sins."
^8-12Jesus knew right away what they were thinking, and said, "Why are you so skeptical? Which is simpler: to say to the paraplegic, 'I forgive your sins,' or say, 'Get up, take your stretcher, and start walking'? Well, just so it's clear that I'm the Son of Man and authorized to do either, or both . . ." (he looked now at the paraplegic), "Get up. Pick up your stretcher and go home." And the man did it—got up, grabbed his stretcher, and walked out, with everyone there watching him. They rubbed their eyes, incredulous—and then praised God, saying, "We've never seen anything like this!" (Mark 2:1-12, The Message)

In order to truly feel God's forgiveness, you have to acknowledge your sin. That's the hard part. Nothing is as hard as saying to God, "Jesus...I'm really sorry...but I like to watch porn on Al Gore's information superhighway." I jest, but what about these:

"Jesus, I'm truly sorry that I stole that cash from my coworker."
"Lord, please forgive me for not telling my mother that I loved her before she died."
God, I wish that I never would have started doing coke...but I did. Please forgive me for all of the hurt that I caused so many people."

It's sometimes hard to figure out when you truly mean it. I knew that I finally wanted God's forgiveness when I had the strength to face the people that I had hurt and ask for forgiveness. I knew that God had already forgiven me; now I just wanted to start a relationship anew.

I hope that my wife doesn't mind me telling this story. 14 years ago, just after we started dating, she wrote a letter to a friend of hers saying that she didn't feel like they could be friends anymore. She told her that she was moving on with her life and that this friend was no longer going to be part of it.

She hadn't thought about it for years. Earlier this year, she was on facebook and saw the person's profile. She friended her and waited to be accepted. What she had no way of knowing is that this former friend was hurt very profoundly by what my wife had written. Her response to Amy was, "Is this a joke?"

After a couple of messages back and forth, they agreed that they should meet. We all met at the zoo and I was not wanting to be there. I was, after all, one of the big reasons that Amy had written that letter in the first place.

When they saw each other, and hugged for a long, long time, it was evident that a powerful forgiving had happened. They both teared up and we spent the entire day catching up. We have since gone on two weekend vacations with them.

The friend had been hurt and had held onto that for more than ten years. By accepting Amy's apology, a huge cloud was lifted.

Some things just seem to horrible to forgive. Maybe you were abused, exploited or even raped. Turn to Jesus. He's not only good at forgiving your sins; he's pretty good at helping you forgive others, too.

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Where there is hatred, let me sow love

2009-10-05T12:24:00.000-07:00

The Prayer of St. Francis has always been very special to me. In a series of entries over the next couple of weeks I plan to break down each line and what it means to me.

"Where there is hatred, let me sow love"

None of these lines are easy to say if you truly mean them. This particular line is difficult on two different levels: speaking out against hatred by others and eliminating the hatred that you have inside.

Speaking out against hatred is difficult for most. We idolize those that do it without pause:

How many times have you heard someone say something about “those n***ers” and not done anything about it? There are several people in my life that are bigots and make no bones about it. Some of it is generational, but I also know a guy that is 25, a professed Christian, but talks about not having to go to the zoo “because I can sit on my porch and watch all of the monkeys.”

I have not, until recently, said anything about it. Confrontation is hard, especially when with someone with which you have to deal on a regular basis. However, I would rather lose that person’s friendship than my own dignity.

Religious people can be some of the most hate-filled people that you’ll every meet. Devout Christians will spout some of the most bigoted thoughts that you’d ever hear. Bear in mind, I am not talking about beliefs; I’m talking about when they talk about specific people or ethnic groups.

We forget so easily that Jesus taught love across every imaginable barrier. The parable of the Good Samaritan is a perfect example. Read it again…even if you’ve read it before.

Just then a religion scholar stood up with a question to test Jesus. "Teacher, what do I need to do to get eternal life?"

He answered, "What's written in God's Law? How do you interpret it?"

He said, "That you love the Lord your God with all your passion and prayer and muscle and intelligence—and that you love your neighbor as well as you do yourself."

"Good answer!" said Jesus. "Do it and you'll live."

Looking for a loophole, he asked, "And just how would you define 'neighbor'?"

Jesus answered by telling a story. "There was once a man traveling from Jerusalem to Jericho. On the way he was attacked by robbers. They took his clothes, beat him up, and went off leaving him half-dead. Luckily, a priest was on his way down the same road, but when he saw him he angled across to the other side. Then a Levite religious man showed up; he also avoided the injured man.

"A Samaritan traveling the road came on him. When he saw the man's condition, his heart went out to him. He gave him first aid, disinfecting and bandaging his wounds. Then he lifted him onto his donkey, led him to an inn, and made him comfortable. In the morning he took out two silver coins and gave them to the innkeeper, saying, 'Take good care of him. If it costs any more, put it on my bill—I'll pay you on my way back.'

"What do you think? Which of the three became a neighbor to the man attacked by robbers?"

"The one who treated him kindly," the religion scholar responded.

Jesus said, "Go and do the same.
The Message Luke 10: 25-37

Our Senior Pastor, Dave Workman, had a great way of putting this story into a setting that we understand today. Samaritans were the scum-of-the-earth to the Jews in Jerusalem. They believed that they were the real Jews and that the Israelites had it wrong. These aren’t the exact examples that Dave used, but they get the same message across.

So, if you’re white, read this one:

There was once a middle-class white man traveling from Dallas to Houston. On the way, he was attached by robbers. They took everything that he had, beat him senseless and left him for dead.

Luckily, a minister was driving down the same road. However, when he saw the man, he looked away and sped down the street. Then, an upper-class man came down the road in his BMW, saw the injured man, but zoomed right by, leaving dust in his wake.

Jesse Jackson just happened to be traveling the same road. When he saw the injured white man, his heart went out to him. He took loaded him into his car and took him to urgent care to get him all fixed up, picking up the bill. From there, he drove to him a hotel in Houston and made him comfortable in the bed. He stayed there to watch over him through the night and, in the morning, he gave $100 to the desk manager saying, “If it costs more, just put it on my tab. I’ll settle up after my meeting.

If you’re black, just replace “white” with “black” and “Jesse Jackson” with “George Bush”.

You can do the same with “Republican” and “Nancy Pelosi.” Maybe “Democrat” and “Sarah Palin.”

The point is this: it doesn’t matter what color/religion/political party/etc you are. Love is blind and should not come with conditions or filters.

Eliminating the hatred that you have for others may be even more difficult. To me, there is nothing harder than admitting that you have a hatred for someone/a class of people in your heart. It may be as a result of something done to you by a specific person, something that you were raised to believe, or just something that you believe through sheer ignorance.

The best example in today’s world is the vilification of Muslims. As a result of the actions of a small percentage of a largely people, many Americans believe that all Muslims want to “kill the infidels” and destroy America. They are seen as a violent nation that just wants to blow things up.

The word “jihad” (basically a holy war) is thrown around like it’s a major part of the faith. The reality is that most Muslims believe that a jihad can only be declared by a “divinely-appointed leader.” Since Allah hasn’t done this since the 9th century, almost all Muslims do not believe that a military jihad is even possible. A small sect of the Sunni Muslims are the only ones that believe that it is a part of the faith and have made it their “Sixth Pillar.”

I’m not saying that I believe what the Muslims believe. There are some things that I find appaling (i.e. mistreatment of women). That’s the thing about hatred. You don’t have to believe what someone else believes to not hate. I can still love someone and not agree with them. The hatred comes when you allow yourself to vilify those with whom you do not agree or share a common bond (i.e. race or creed).

I struggled with racism through my high school years and into my early adulthood. There are still some remnants of this of which I am not proud. I still lock my doors when driving through a lower-class black neighborhood. I’m still suspicious of a group of Mexicans.

All I can do is pray for guidance and hope that God helps me to feel some of the love that he has for everyone.

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Lord, make me an instrument of Your peace

2009-10-03T18:47:00.000-07:00

The Prayer of St. Francis has always been very special to me. In a series of entries over the next couple of weeks I plan to break down each line and what it means to me.

"Lord, make me an instrument of Your peace"

I'd like to think that this prayer was written in a time of great need in the author's life. Even though it's called The Prayer of St. Francis, it was almost certainly not written by St. Francis of Assisi. The prayer is a plea. Although it can be a calming prayer that is used to solidify beliefs and morals from which we stuggle not to stray, when you really think about the words, it is a poem begging for repentance.

While Jesus sometimes claimed to bring the opposite of peace (Luke 12:51), his actions spoke volumes to the contrary. He's favorite greeting was definately "Peace be with you." Even in the modern Catholic Mass, the last thing done before Holy Communion is a Sign of Peace that starts with the greeting "Peace by with you" spoken by the presider.

While there are many, many definitions that one could assign to the word, I believe that there are two principle meanings that apply directly to the teachings of Jesus"

harmony is personal relations
freedom from disquieting or oppressive thoughts or emotions

So, deconstructing the first line:

Jesus, Son of God and Prince of Peace, help me to bring harmony to my interactions with everyone that I meet and help me to clear other minds of their personal turmoil through my actions and words.

That's a good prayer in and of itself. Peace is freeing your mind of the noise and problems; it's being able to stay calm with it still going on around you. We can't heal anyone; all we can do is help them to know that Jesus' love is bigger than all the problems of this world.

The innerbattle that I have over this is that sometimes being "preachy" or "evangelistic" can bring more unrest than peace. The flipside to that arguement is that through helping someone to foster a relationship with Jesus Christ (even if there is a little bit of tough love involved), we are ultimately bringing peace to their heart.

That's where the "instrument" part comes in. The pray doesn't say, "Lord, help me force peace upon others." An instrument is only a small part in a large symphony. No one human is going to be able to bring peace to another by themselves. Only by working together as individual instruments in the symphony can we show others what it means to be a true Christian...a true instrument of Jesus' peace.

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Words to live by...

2009-09-30T21:11:00.000-07:00

This prayer, usually attributed to St. Francis of Assisi, has held a special place in my heart for years. It's popped up several times in my life over the last couple of days, so I wanted to revisit it. I think that over the next couple of weeks I want to examine each line in my blog.

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace;
where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury, pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
and where there is sadness, joy.

O Divine Master,
grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;
to be understood, as to understand;
to be loved, as to love;
for it is in giving that we receive,
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.

I like to dissect rote prayers. When I used to pray the rosary, I would emphasize a different word each time I prayed the Hail Mary.

Hail Mary, full of grace...
Hail Mary, full of grace...
Hail Mary, full of grace...

And so on. It brought more meaning to the prayer for me. So many times we say rote prayers like this without stopping to think of the words.

I want to really stop and think about each plea that the author sets forth in this prayer. I'm not looking to pump myself up and say how I've done these things...because I haven't. Rather, I'm looking to challenge myself.

I welcome your input and stories.

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The Dangerous "What if...?"

2009-09-29T18:40:00.000-07:00

I had a good, short quasi-theological discussion with a friend at work today. We were talking about how we both envy a mutual friend of ours for her current location on her faith journey. She's WAY down the road. She is so full of the Holy Spirit and free-giving that it's inspiring just to talk to her. Even non-Believers are drawn to her strength.

She gave up a promising career so that she could devote her life to helping other people. She's a missionary that is currently working with a large midwestern Christian organization and is paying her bills only through the generosity of donors.

There was a big elephant in the room (or cubicle). We both have a wife and a child. The unspoken item was this: "What would we be able to do if we weren't tied down with family and obligation?"

That sound bad, I know. Neither of us would ever IN A MILLION YEARS trade in our life for the life we could have had. However, that doesn't stop someone from bringing to the surface a resentment that was long ago plunged down.

I'll use myself as an example:

What if I had gone to an out-of-state school instead of limiting myself to Xavier, UC, and NKU? Amy had said that she wanted me to stay close to home. We had been dating for some time and were going to get married.
What if I hadn't worked at Roger Bacon while I was in college? Would I have fallen into the deep depression that I fought for years and years? Would I have decided to go to grad school and become a professional musician?
What if I didn't have a kid? Would I be able to do more things? Go more places? Be more involved? Drive fancier cars? Have a fancier house? Go out ot eat more?

The reality is that you make decisions in life as they come at you. At the time, Xavier seemed the best option to me. If I hadn't gone to Xavier, I never would have met the great friends that I did. If I hadn't gone to Xavier, I wouldn't have seen New Orleans pre-Katrina. If I hadn't worked at Roger Bacon while I was in college, I never would have gotten to help teach so many great kids that have turned into great adults. If I wouldn't have had a son, my Sam...

God has a plan for each one of us. Sometimes, we impact people in a way that we don't even know. Maybe God had me at Xavier for a reason that will likely never understand.

I often look back with regret when I think about my time at Roger Bacon (I was a band director there for 6 years). I always felt like I didn't make an impact on people. I was wrong.

When I was a teacher at Roger Bacon, I helped to lead a retreat called Kairos. It translates from Greek to English as "The Lord's Time." It is the counterpart to Chronos. Anyway, it is traditional to start and end your talks with a song. I had used a variety of songs over the years:

Garth Brooks - The River
Sarah McLachlin -The Prayer of St. Francis
Peter Gabriel - In Your Eyes

On my last retreat, I really wanted to pick a song that would stand out. I could have gone with a Christian song, but I knew that would be forgotten before the next meal was over. I was listening to a CD that I owned for my DJ company when it hit me. The CD was the Billboard Top 10 from 1979: the year I was born.

I was tired of my lady; we'd been together to long
Like a worn-out recording of a favorite song
So while she lay there sleeping, I read the paper in bed
And in the personal columns there was this letter I read

If you like Pina Coladas
And getting caught in the rain
If you're not into Yoga
If you have half a brain
If you like making love at midnight
In the dunes on the cape
The I'm the love that you've looked for
Write to me and Escape.

Escape (The Pina Colada Song). It got a laugh out of the kids, as it should have. I talked about how I always tried to find someone to accept me. How I always fought to find someone that didn't make fun of my weight. I talked about how I never felt that I would ever find someone that would love me unconditionally.

Until I realized that person had been there all along. God had always been there. There was more to it, but you get the idea.

I haven't thought about that talk in years. I never thought that it made an impression. Then I recieved this note this week:

"so this is the second time this week that i have heard the pina colada song and i decided i needed to write to you. every time i hear that song i think about your speach on kairos. thinking about what you said and what that songs makes me feel has helped me out a lot this week. this month has probably been the worst month of my life and i just wanted to let you know that what you said and that song has helped me out in so many ways. i just wanted to thank you from the bottom of my heart."

I shed a couple tears at my keyboard...and I realized that God always has a reason for why we are where we are.

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A.D.D and Me

2009-09-28T11:45:00.000-07:00

I’ve always wondered what people meant when they told you to “keep your mind on the task at hand.” Are people actually able to do that? I’ve never been able to do that. I finally know officially what I have suspected since I first heard the diagnosis:

Attention Deficit Disorder

From what I understand, most office workers sit at a desk all day and, if need be, can concentrate on their work. I have never, ever been able to do that. Not once in my 30 years have I been able to sit down, perform a task, and not have my mind jump to 10 or 20 different things per minute. Sometimes, my mind races so fast that I have to take my glasses off, close my eyes, and hold onto my desk to calm down.

Here are the symptoms of Adult ADD from a respectable health website:

Concentration. Adults with ADD/ADHD have trouble with concentration to an extreme degree. You might have trouble following conversations, “zoning out” without realizing it. Finishing tasks might feel impossible, and you might have several tasks started at once without the ability to continue. You might easily get distracted or forgetful, leading to errors or incomplete work.
Organization. Keeping things organized at home and work might be an enormous challenge. Home and/or work space might be unusually cluttered and messy. You might underestimate the time it takes to complete tasks or have trouble with procrastination, making completing large projects very difficult. Adults with ADD/ADHD often also continually forget or lose things.
Decision making. You might have a pattern of making sudden decisions “on a whim” or have trouble listening to others.
Relating to others. You might have trouble following a conversation, interrupting others, answering before a question has been asked, or blurting out things you regret later.
Health. Impulsivity and trouble with organization can lead to problems with health, such as compulsive eating or reaching for unhealthy foods, a reinforcing cycle of alcohol and drug abuse, or trouble making appointments or forgetting medication for a chronic condition.
Work and finances. Difficulty concentrating, completing tasks, listening, and relating to others can lead to trouble at work. Managing finances may also be a concern. You may find yourself struggling to pay your bills, losing paperwork, missing deadlines, or be in debt due to impulsive spending.
Relationships. You might wonder why loved ones constantly nag you to tidy up, get organized, and take care of business. Or if your loved one has ADD/ADHD, you might be hurt that your loved one doesn’t seem to listen to you, blurts out hurtful things, and leaves you with the bulk of organizing and planning.

SOUND FAMILIAR???? ANYONE YOU KNOW????

I’ve employed meditative techniques learned in college from Prof. Paul Knitter: no go. I’ve turned on music to focus my mind: doesn’t work. I’ve tried organizing my work into little mini-bursts so that I can get a lot done in a day: nope.

As I’ve mentioned before, I’ve fought depression for my entire adult life. Depression breeds anxiety, and anxiety causes attention issues. I have had my depression/anxiety under control for some time now and had sincerely hoped that I wouldn’t have to seek treatment for ADD.

I was wrong.

Even as I sit here typing this, my mind is like one of those crib storyboards that were so popular when I was a child. It’s like a scroll that endlessly loops with different figures. Mine, however, loops with an endless stream of thoughts, dreams, facts, questions, and desires.

Sleep
Sam
Bengals
Car
Work
Xavier
Camping

That was literally what went through my mind in the last 15 seconds. That wasn’t trying to think of different things; that’s just what pops in. If I’m working on insurance, it’s just a steady stream of insurance topics…and it can’t be stopped.

This isn’t just me being bored. I wish that was the case. I know some people just don’t want to work so they let their mind wander. The difference is that they are like a dog that runs outside in the street when you leave a door open. I am like the dog that finds a way to get out no matter what.

I’ve had long talks with my doctor, and he agrees that it’s time to use some medication. I have a relative that takes the same anti-depressant as I and has had success with a certain type of stimulant-based ADD medication. I pray that it works for me as well. I just can’t do my job at work and feel like I am letting my family down at home. We were going to try a non-stimulant medication that's not a controlled substance, but it's $240/month on my insurance. The one he's prescribing is $35 if I haven't met my deductible and $0 if I have.

Have any of you had ADD treatments or have similar problems? Leave a comment below. I'm not shy about answering questions about my experience either. Feel free to ask.

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Sam Meyer-Redux

2009-09-26T16:24:00.000-07:00

I can’t believe that my little baby boy is four years old today. Time flies when you’re having fun. Here are pictures of him from every year on his birthday, as well as his birth story. I’m immensely proud and immeasurably blessed.

Sam's Birth Story by Jon Meyer

When we found out late December 2004 that we were expecting our first child, we were ecstatic. We had been trying for more than several months to get pregnant, but couldn’t believe it when it finally happened.

Amy (mom) had decided that she would use the same office for her OB treatment as she did for her GYN treatment. As you will see, this turned out to be a mistake. We had made the decision to have an unmedicated, natural childbirth. We contacted a doula to work with us during the pregnancy and birth; this would turn out to be invaluable.

The more that we read about anesthetics and epidurals, the less we wanted to use them; the more we read about the strength of the female body to endure unmedicated birth, the more we wanted that for our unborn child.

On the first visits to the OB, everything seemed on the surface to go well; we just had this nagging doubt about our doctors. Something did not feel right. As the visits progressed, we found that all of the OBs in the practice seemed to merely tolerate our desire for natural childbirth, but not embrace it. We spoke with our childbirth educator, and our doula. If we had bad feelings about the doctors at 6 months, they were only going to get worse. After months of “dealing with it,” we made the difficult decision to move to a practice that was more patient-oriented and accepting of our wishes. This was during the 7th month of Amy’s pregnancy. On the recommendation of our Bradley© Class instructor and our doula, we contacted an OB practice in the area that is known for being open to the parent’s wishes, and natural childbirth. It is staffed by an OB and two Certified Nurse Midwives. The difference was staggering. The acceptance and encouragement provided by this office was total. We knew at that time that we had made the right choice.

At 37 weeks, Amy went in for her routine visit. All of the visits had been perfect and she had been complication-free. Prior to the midwife entering the room, Amy and I both noticed that her ankles were more swollen than normal; we both thought that it was because her legs had been hanging off of the exam table…we were wrong. Amy’s blood-pressure was high, she had edema in her feet, ankles and hands, and had developed a bladder infection. On September 1, she was put on bedrest and told to take it easy.

We both thought, “Well, at least these are manageable, treatable complications.” Treatment following this diagnosis included bedrest, 4 non-stress tests, multiple office visits, and did I mention bedrest…lots of it. Then, Amy went in for an ultrasound at 39 weeks to make sure that Sam had plenty of amniotic fluid and that he was developing well. The ultrasound technician noted that Sam was in a frank breech position. We had a visit scheduled with the OB for the following week, so we read up on breech babies as much as any human possibly can. We were prepared for anything that he might throw at us. Keep in mind that Amy was not able to do the normal home remedies for breech babies (i.e. incline board) because of her blood pressure. We were not prepared for what he told us: Sam had turned himself back around!!!!

We were surprised at the patience the doctor and midwives had with Amy’s high blood pressure. We were sure at the old doctor’s office that Amy would have been induced before her due date for the blood pressure. But Dr. Bowen’s office felt that bedrest and monitoring were adequate, and that we should see if Amy would naturally go in to labor.

We hit 40 weeks, and then 41 weeks, and by then, we had both concluded that Amy would have to be induced at the end of 42 weeks. She had been experiencing some contractions in the evenings for the last week, but they usually went away after exercise, eating, etc.

On the 2nd day of the 42nd week, Amy was still having contractions about 5-10 minutes apart for about 20-30 seconds. They were not very intense and were not gaining any intensity. Jon (the dad) went to the store to get some food that they needed for the week. When he got back at 6:00p, Amy informed him that her contraction had changed drastically in the past 40 minutes. They were now 2 minutes apart and 30-60 seconds long. We called our doula, Maren, and she gave us some good advice. She had to teach the last lesson in a birthing class from 7:00pm to 9:00pm, but said that if we needed her she would come. Amy felt that nothing would happen until at least 9:00pm (heck, we didn’t even think she was in labor), so Maren went to teach the class.

Over the course of the next 2 hours, her contractions increased in intensity. She used pelvic rocks, tub soaking, light walking, and swaying to help relieve the tension. When we did call Maren after her class, she felt that she should come to the house because Amy was in labor. We called our doctor (Dr. Bowen was on-call), and he told us that when we felt the need to go to the hospital, that we should call him. We still felt that Amy was not in labor and were even talking about the fact that our payment to Maren only included one false labor visit.

When Maren arrived at 10:30pm, Amy was starting to contract even harder and was not even able to talk during contractions. Amy asked Maren when we should go to the hospital. Maren replied, “Normal people would have gone hours ago!”

Since we are not normal, we continued to debate when we should go. Maren explained that it is not an exact science and that you really need to rely on your instincts. Amy felt that she did not want to endure a car ride with contractions any stronger than the ones that she was experiencing right then, so we decided to leave.

On the way to the hospital, Amy’s contractions continued to increase in intensity, but she did get a slightly longer period of rest in between. It was raining very heavily on our way to the hospital because the remnants of Hurricane Rita were going through Cincinnati. Since Amy’s contractions were so strong, her concentration had to be centered on them the entire ride there. We talked about the fact that she may still only be 1 cm dilated (which she was at her last appointment) and that they may want to augment her labor with Pitocin or even send us home. She did not even want any music on. She also had the air conditioning on 65° with the blower turned ALL the way up!

We arrived at the hospital at about 11:45pm. Amy had to go to the bathroom (and Maren followed to help her if needed), so Jon checked in at the desk. Amy showed her determination from the get-go by refusing a wheelchair upon check-in.

On the way up, Amy had to stop and lean against the railing 3 or 4 times because she was contracting. We arrived on the fourth floor; this is where the Family Birthing Center is located. They took us straight into Birthing Suite #3 instead of Triage; they must have seen how far along Amy really was.

The whole time, Maren was coaching Amy on how to relax and breathe through the contractions. A nurse named Ann came in and did the triage examination on Amy. We were worried that she would say “1 cm; go home!” Instead, she announced that Amy was 5-6 cm dilated and 90% effaced!! Amy actually laughed and cheered at that, and was glad there was no going home now. However, her blood pressure was 150/95. Sam’s heart rate and its reactions to Amy’s contractions were great. In fact, he was fine the entire time. Our first comic relief of the evening came when Ann asked Amy when her last bowel movement was. Amy said “I had one in the lobby.” Jon made sure that Ann knew that Amy meant the bathroom in the lobby, not the lobby itself!

As soon as Amy’s initial exam was over, she got out of bed and rocked on a birthing ball in between contractions. She would stand when the contractions were coming and sway while leaning against the hospital bed (which had been raised up and straightened out). By this time, Amy had lost all modesty and was completely naked. Jon’s job was to keep the three washcloths cooled down in ice water. She was so hot, that she would warm up an icy washcloth in about 3 minutes. She had one on her forehead, one on the back of her neck, and one in the ice water.

A couple of minutes later, Amy’s labor and delivery nurse, Amanda, came in. She was staying with us for the rest of the labor and delivery. She was so attentive and caring that we will never forget her. At on point, the doctor had requested a 15 minute monitor tape of the baby’s heart rate. However, Amy was swaying so much that the monitor strap wouldn’t stay in place. So, Amanda squatted down behind Amy and held the monitor in place with her hand while swaying with her.

After a particularly strong and hard contraction (at about 1:00am), Amanda asked Amy to get on the bed so that she could check her. Amy had progressed to a little more than 8 cm dilated (with no cervix on one side) and 95% effaced. She had to quickly get out of bed as another strong contraction hit her.

For the next 30 minutes, Amy contracted virtually nonstop. Maren continually coached her on proper breathing (“breath deep to get oxygen for you and Sam”) and vocalizing (“low and long”). Amanda checked Amy twice during this time and it was obvious by the look on her face (and the fact that she had her hand between Amy’s knees) that Amy was ready! Sam’s head had almost crowned while Amy was standing there. Amanda had commented that Sam’s head was “right there”. They had summoned the doctor to the hospital, but because of the rainstorm, he was traveling slower than normal. Amy was very nice to Jon the entire evening. The only time that she cursed the entire time was when she asked “Where the hell is the doctor?” The second and third comic moments came around this time as well; they were setting up the delivery cart with all of the instruments behind the privacy curtain. A sound much like a bottle cork popping was heard in the room. Apparently, it was a tube holding some kind of instrument. In a raspy, strained voice, Amy asked “Is that the celebratory champagne?” Amy also said, “All I need is a little break.” Amanda replied, “You’ll have one very soon because you are going to have a baby sooner than you think!”

At about 1:50am, Amy asked “Am I in transition?” Maren and Amanda both laughed and Maren explained “You are well past that, honey!” Amanda kept looking back at Ann and another nurse who had come in at Amanda’s request; she was concerned about being the only nurse in the room when Amy could deliver without the doctor.

Finally, the doctor arrived and (in Jon’s opinion) took his sweet time putting on his scrubs. He explained later that he had endured a LONG day at another hospital; not delivering a baby, but in the ER with his son who had broken his clavicle playing soccer.

It was finally time for little Sam to be born! Amy got onto the bed in a semi-sitting position to give birth. When she pushed for the first time, it looked like a transparent head crowned. The doctor explained that Sam may be born “In the Caul,” or born still in the amniotic sac. That is what was crowning! Her waters did eventually break when the doctor was performing perineal massage to help avoid an episiotomy. They also used warm compresses on Amy’s bottom, which helped.

Maren did a great job with the coaching for the pushing. At first, Amy had a hard time pushing right. Maren told her to hold her breath while she was pushing, and that worked. Maren reminded her, you only have to push Sam to the end of the bed, not across the room! With little pushes for this, there was less chance of Amy tearing.

What seemed like seconds later, but was in fact 30 minutes after she started pushing (she only pushed 5 or 6 times), little Sam’s head came out, and almost immediately, his little body followed. At 2:55am on September 26th, 2005, little Sam was finally here. The first thing Amy said was “I feel so much better.” The next thing was “He’s so little.” We thought because Sam was 10 days post date, that he would be 10 pounds. He was 7 pounds even, and 21 inches long. He’s our “Little Man”, and our “Peanut”.

Sam was born with a nuchal cord. That is, it was wrapped around his neck once. After the doctor got the cord from around his neck, he was immediately placed on Amy’s chest where he nursed until his little cord stopped pulsing. It was so neat to feel the blood pulse through the cord. Jon cut the cord and the rest is history. Maren stayed for several hours to help us get things together. She was wonderful! I don’t know if we could have done this without her.

We never encountered any problem with our birth plan (attached) being followed. Amy only took 2 ibuprofen to help with the pain of a small 2nd degree tear as a result of Sam being born in a compound presentation (with his hand by his head).

Amy’s decision to birth Sam without medication was one of the best decisions that she has ever made. Just take a look at these wide-open eyes just minutes after birth.

All that we went through was so worth it; don’t you agree?

Sam's Fourth Birthday Present

2009-09-26T14:09:00.000-07:00

Batman Dark Knight Mega Cape

"Francis, rebuild my Church."

2009-09-25T13:44:00.000-07:00

I almost always have a book with me. Whether it’s my NT or one of my favorite authors’ books, I have something to read with me. I hate waiting in lines, eating lunch without something to do, or being stuck somewhere by yourself.

Yesterday, I was sitting in my doctor’s office (more on that later) reading Maria Montessori’s “The Montessori Method.” I don’t usually read random books on scientific pedagogy, but I have a special interest in the writings of Maria Montessori. In addition to the fact that my alma mater (Xavier University) was the first university in the United States to establish a degree in Montessori education, and that I took some classes there pertaining to Montessori’s methods, my son, Sam, now attends Dater Montessori Elementary School in Cincinnati, Ohio.

Here is a brief explanation of The Montessori Method from The International Montessori Index:

Montessori emphasizes learning through all five senses, not just through listening, watching, or reading. Children in Montessori classes learn at their own, individual pace and according to their own choice of activities from hundreds of possibilities. Learning is an exciting process of discovery, leading to concentration, motivation, self-discipline, and a love of learning. Montessori classes place children in three-year age groups (3-6, 6-9, 9-12, and so on), forming communities in which the older children spontaneously share their knowledge with the younger ones. Montessori represents an entirely different approach to education.

The results are astounding. I love what that school is doing for its students, specifically for Sam. I will, without a doubt, be discussing his education from time to time on this blog.

In the chapter which she sets up her reason for doing all of her research, she relates the story of St. Francis of Assisi quite well to how the important the people doing the heavy-lifting are in the grand scheme of a task. In this paragraph, she is talking specifically of the achievements and failures in trying to find the write way to educate humans:

Every great cause is born from repeated failures and from imperfect achievements. When St. Francis of Assisi saw his Lord in a vision, and received from the Divine lips the command–"Francis, rebuild my Church!"–he believed that the Master spoke of the little church within which he knelt at that moment. And he immediately set about the task, carrying upon his shoulders the stones with which he meant to rebuild the fallen walls. It was not until later that he became aware of the fact that his mission was to renew the Catholic Church through the spirit of poverty. But the St. Francis who so ingenuously carried the stones, and the great reformer who so miraculously led the people to a triumph of the spirit, are one and the same person in different stages of development. So we, who work toward one great end, are members of one and the same body; and those who come after us will reach the goal only because there were those who believed and labored before them. And, like St. Francis, we have believed that by carrying the hard and barren stones of the experimental laboratory to the old and crumbling walls of the school, we might rebuild it. We have looked upon the aids offered by the materialistic and mechanical sciences with the same hopefulness with which St. Francis looked upon the squares of granite, which he must carry upon his shoulders.

Many of us work in jobs that seem, to us, inconsequential. We feel like all we do is “build the walls” while others “build the church.” I, for one, would much rather be building the church than underwriting insurance. However, at the same time, I begin to realize that, in the grand scheme of things, my job is vital to the success of so many individuals and businesses:

My family
My boss
Her boss
My employer
All of the employees of my employer
All of the stockholders of my employer
The insureds who depend on coverage to be there when they need it
My agencies
The employees of my agencies
The children of all of the above

So, just when I start to think that all I do is push paper, all I need do is remember that what I do is vital to the lives of so many. I don’t seek to aggrandize what I do, but it helps me to remember that my cog in the wheel is just as important as any other.

"Build it out of (uh) GOPHER BARKY, BARKY, Children of the Lord!"

2009-09-22T10:41:00.000-07:00

A high school classmate of mine posed an interesting question yesterday on Facebook. She asked the following:

Given the current state of the city of Atlanta because of the floods, I was wondering what you would do if you were a modern-day Noah and God told you to build an ark and get ready for the coming floods. So, what would you do?

Tough question, no? I could give the stock answer and say that I would follow God’s commands, no matter their content, so I would build it, get the animals, and climb aboard.

We all know that it isn’t that simple.

Let’s get a little background. Read Noah’s story first (Gen 6:9-9:28):

Like Shaekspeare? Read this one: King James Version
Like more modern language? Read this one: The Message
Catholic-approved? Read this one: New American Bible
¿En español? Lea esta version: Nueva Versión Internacional
Just want the most common one? Read this one: New International Version

The first thing that you should notice is that the last thing that the bible mentions before Noah dies is that he got wasted, naked, and was dragged back to his house cursing the son that found him and called his brothers in to see their passed out dad. That’s not really pivotal to my story, but I always found it amusing.

So, God decided that he is sickened by the evil that is his creation: humanity. He is going to destroy all of it, but Noah is too good of a person. So, God goes about setting out his problem, telling Noah how he will fix it, then tells Noah what to do.

You’ll notice that Noah doesn’t protest or even talk back. I’m sure that there were some words exchanged, but Noah doesn’t say, “WHOA! You want me to do what?” He just does what he’s told to do.

The Steve Carell movie Evan Almighty dealt with this very topic. The protagonist, Evan Baxter, has just been elected to the U.S. Congress, leaving behind a career as an anchorman and his life in Buffalo, NY. He and his family move to Northern Virginia to be close to D.C. He buys a newly-built home in a development that is still being built.

A series of signs and miracles ensue, causing Evan to believe that he’d better do what he’s told. The movie does not, in fact, have a storm-induced flood. I won’t give it away, but the boat comes in handy for sure.

The best part of the movie is this line, delivered by Morgan Freeman as God:

"Let me ask you something. If someone prays for patience, you think God gives them patience? Or does he give them the opportunity to be patient? If he prayed for courage, does God give him courage, or does he give him opportunities to be courageous? If someone prayed for the family to be closer, do you think God zaps them with warm fuzzy feelings, or does he give them opportunities to love each other?"

I think that after the first shocking moments of the first conversation that I had with God I would pray. If any believer were put in that situation, don’t you think that they would pray? My prayer would go something like this:

Lord,
Please give me a sign that this is really you and that this is really what you want me to do. I know that you don’t like when men ask you for proof of your presence or intention, but you sought me out and you haven’t done anything like this in thousands and thousands of years.
Show me the way, Lord.

Amen

Now, if God were really wanted me to build this ark, I would hope that he would then do something like what he did with Evan Baxter:

Ship him Gopherwood
Buy the vacant land right next to their house
Force me to wear sackcloth no matter what I put on.

So, in doing that he has answered my pray. Harkening back to the line above, by answering my prayer for proof, he is giving me the opportunity to show my devotion to my Lord, my family, and all of humanity.

God has given me the greatest vote of confidence available to a human: you’re the one that I want to continue the human race. What are you going to do about it?

So, after I prayed and it was answered, the next thing that I would do is second guess God. “Lord, you know me better than anyone else. You knew me before you set the stars. I am as flawed as they come. I’m overweight, I battle depression, I fight to let my true self shine through, I am not good at Fantasy Football drafts, and I can’t appreciate a good dark beer. Why would you pick me?”

God’s done talking to me right now, so I’m left to answer my own question. Men are flawed. Noah was flawed. The first thing that he did after reestablishing a vineyard was get krunked. He was still the right man for the job. If I look at my self honestly, maybe I can find the one thing that God wants of his soon-to-be Father of Nations: I walk with God. I don’t do it perfectly, but I try.

I think that I build the boat. I think that many of my friends and family think that I am crazy. I honestly think that I cry for those that will drown. I'm a sap. I cried watching Marley & Me, but this is way bigger. I think that I get mad at God a couple of times and stop building for a day. Then, I remember who He is and get back to work. I know that my wife and son are right there beside me. Sam hopes that God will send the animals to help build the ark like in the movie.

Most importantly, I know that God has his thumb in the middle of my back, pushing me gently in the direction in which he wants me to travel, but allowing me to be the one that makes the final decision.

Self

2009-09-21T11:39:00.000-07:00

I once listened to an audio presentation by an Australian Catholic missionary named Matthew Kelly called Becoming The-Best-Version-Of-Yourself. He had given it to me when I interviewed for a job with him in 2004. I ended up taking a position with my current employer instead. If nothing else, interviewing with him netted me about 10 free, signed books.

The basic premise of the presentation is that we have to examine the "meaning of friendship, work, marriage, and money; all in relation to our essential purpose. Beyond that he demonstrates how understanding our essential purpose brings clarity and direction to our lives, especially in the area of making decisions.

"Finally, he challenges us to reassess the physical, emotional, intellectual, and spiritual aspects of our lives."

It was good. I wish that at the time I was ready to hear it, but I wasn't. I'm going to re-listen to it again this week, but recent events have called a related thought into my head.

Dr. Phil.

I know; he's a quack. He's a sell-out in the truest sense of the word. However, one of his greatest teachings is about living in tune with your "authentic" self (who you were created to be), as opposed to your "fictional" self (who the world has told you to be).

When you combine the two philosophies, you're left with a transparent version of yourself that allows you to be...You. When I live my life, as I was created to live it, and live it up to the best of my ability, a person emerges that transcends being a "good guy."

Steve Fuller recently wrote on his blog about the difference between a Christian and a moralist. His experience came directly from a speech by Tim Keller, the pastor of Redeemer Presbyterian Church in NY, NY.

You can read Fuller’s entire post here (it includes a link to one of Keller’s sermons). To make a long story short, Keller uses the story of the Prodigal Son to illustrate the difference between being a moralist and being a Christian.

"Everyone repents for what they have done wrong. The difference between a Christian and a moralist is that a Christian has also learned to repent for the reasons they did right. They recognize the reason for the right things they do is self-justification and the desire to control God and others."

If you truly read this to understand it, you will feel, as Steve puts it, that you have been rocked to your foundation.

This, to me, is the thing that I struggle with as I continue to develop my relationship with Christ and my spiritual self: What is my motivation for doing this?

I could reiterate everything that Steve wrote, but you can read it there, if you’d like. I’m going to move on.

Over the last couple of weeks, I have begun to question who I am. I know that I have at least three different “selves”.
1. Home Self
2. Friend Self
3. Work Self

On Friday, I went with a couple of my work friends to lunch. On the way there, I was cursing like a sailor and didn’t think a thing about it until one of the guys said, “You’ve got a helluva mouth. How do you keep Sam from cussing like that?”

I’ve never had a problem not cursing in front of Sam, so I couldn’t answer that question. It bothered me, but eventually I started right back up.

Later on during lunch (BTW-Q.S.& L. has a great Chicken Quesadilla Salad), I realized that I was also speaking about individual women in very derogatory ways. The two guys that I was eating with are both single and on the look out, so it didn’t seem abnormal at the time.

Friday night, I spent a lot of time thinking about why it was that I acted those ways (i.e. the cursing and “coveting,” for lack of a better term. The best that I could tell was that I just wanted to fit in with my current group. In doing so, I was neither my “authentic” nor the “best-version-of-my-” self.

Saturday morning, I came into work and was doing a bunch of busy work. It was stuff that had to get done, but it didn’t require a bunch of concentration. I set about thinking about other parts of my life that I wasn’t living authentically or as the best-version-of-myself.

What came to mind made me feel entirely uncomfortable. My oldest and best friends are my camping buddies, fantasy sports partners, fellow Reds attendees, and generally they guys that I would list as my groomsmen if I were to be married tomorrow. However, when I am around them, I find myself acting wholly and utterly inappropriate. I don’t know why I feel the need to do this around them other than I feel that I am expected to do so. I’m the one that should comment on women’s chest sizes. I’m the one that makes inappropriate jokes at the expense of their wives or moms.

I think that it would come as a surprise to them that I don’t really enjoy acting like that. It’s not the cool thing to admit, but I feel like shit after I do it. I don’t want to be that guy. I’m not that guy.

Who I am is not conservative, nor is it liberal. I’m not Republican and I’m not Democrat.

What I know I am is:

compassionate
forgiving
accepting
tolerant
loving
helpful
funny
serving
out-going
free-giving

There are other things that I am, but that’s as far as I can go for now. This could become one of those long, boring lists of self-gratifying adjectives, but that’s not what I’m after. Frankly, I don’t care if people read this or not. This is for me.

I am committed to becoming more true and authentic. God, help me as I struggle towards becoming who you created me to be. Help me to live my life for You, and not in merely claiming to be “in Your name” so as to generate attention to myself. Help me to stay humble. Help me to be Your servant. I know that I'm a work in progress.

In the immortal words of the masses:

Dear God,

Help.

Sincerely,

How Great Thou Art

2009-09-20T22:17:00.000-07:00

I love me a good hymn. I don't think that there is anything quite as moving as a well-performed Amazing Grace. My favorite hymn in the whole wide world is How Great Thou Art. It is a beautiful poem and the hymn tune, written by the original poet, is hauntingly simple.

My uncle Jerry and I were just talking on Friday about our favorite background singers at the Vineyard. My very, very favorite is a charming woman named Rhnee. I had the pleasure of meeting her through one of my volunteer rules at V.C.C.

So Jerry says to me, "You've never heard her sing How Great Thou Art."

"Singing hymns is a lost art," I replied. "I wish that V.C.C. would do it more often. People love it."

Fast-forward two days to this morning. The last song that we sing is How Great Thou Art. You've never heard it done like this. It is Funk/Soul fusion and it is brilliantly performed. Her vocals are flawless.

Enjoy.

My beautiful Aunt Mia

2009-09-19T08:35:00.001-07:00

My Aunt Maria is an amazing woman. She was a stay-at-home mom while her kids were in grade school (she did work PT for the Cincinnati Marlins Swim Team). When her youngest was in junior high, she decided that she wanted to go back to college and pursue her dream of becoming an elementary school teacher.

Long story short: boy did she ever. She worked so hard, and devoted so much of herself to learning how to be a great teacher, that she earned the title of Valedictorian at Xavier University. However, as the humble person that she is, she turned it down so that someone "college-age" could have the title and give the speech.

She teaches at Elda Elementary School in Ross, Ohio. The reason that I write about her starts here. There have been 2 students and 1 teacher diagnosed with brain cancer in the Ross School District in the last year.

Maria is that teacher.

She has glioblastoma. Don't Google, Bing or Yahoo! it. It's not pretty. This type of cancer usually affects older (i.e. eligible for AARP) adults. Maria is anything but. She is in her mid-fourties and is in excellent shape and health (other than the pesky brain cancer thing).

The amazing part is her faith. She is, without a doubt, one of the most Jesus-trusting individuals that I have ever met. She, like I, attends Vineyard Community Church in Springdale, Ohio. She works in Connections helping new attendees get aquainted with our church and with Jesus. She and her husband have counciled couples preparing for marriage for over 15 years. He's a carpenter with a beard...sound familiar?

Maria looks at her situation this way: "God is using me to help other people that struggle with this disease. I am healthy and the doctors can see that anything affecting me is coming directly from the tumors. While you're at it, while not use me to find the cure...and cure me, Lord?"

Not "my life is over." Not "why me?" Only "Use me God. Use me Lord."

Here is her CaringBridge page: http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/mariameyer. Read it and be inspired. However this plays itself out, I'm going to have it made into a book.

In the meantime, I think that I'm going to create another blog: Letters For Mia. It's going to be a collection of my writings to her. It's hard sometimes to tell someone to their face how much they mean to you, but I've never had that problem with Maria. I just figured I share it with the world; maybe someone else can find inspiration from it. Others may end up contributing to it. We'll see.

Rennaisance Man

2009-09-18T11:56:00.001-07:00

Yes, I write poetry. I've done it my entire life. Many times, I just write it in my head and move on with my day. Lately, I've wished that I could remember some of the poetry that I wrote when I was younger. My youngest brother came-of-age on myspace, so his poetry will be saved as long as that site lasts. I, however, don't have any of my high school writings anymore.

When Amy and Sam were out of town last weekend I looked through my old boxes in the closet upstairs. Nothing.

So, I figured this is just as good a place as any to preserve my writing. Some of you may think it silly. Frankly, my reader, I don't give a damn.

Since I can't find any of my other stuff, we'll just start over with a sonnet. There will also be the random haiku (usually humor) and free form. The rules of the sonnet mixed with the freedom of words have always appealed to me though, so there will be more of them. Thus, the numbering.

Sonnet I
i watch the leafy green subside to bronze
as summer runs across the blue ocean
the trees cry dry tears as they weep as one
our empty swimming pools collective yawns
the deer born in the spring, no longer fawns
prepare their ground before all is frozen
the branches of the trees keep them hidden
blue snow and ice will last for ninety dawns
oh, summer how your memories will last
like the smell of campfire on sleeping bag
just like the remembrances of summers past
are laced with visions of our spangled flag
that running summer sun, a shadow cast
a chill on naked shoulders now shall lag

Two thousand, nine hundred and twenty-two days

2009-09-12T09:49:00.000-07:00

Two thousand, nine hundred and twenty-two days ago I was unemployed. I was sitting in the living room of the home that I had lived in for five hundred and nine days. I was depressed, probably eating a huge bowl of sugary cereal that helped pack on the three hundred and thirty pounds that I carry today.

I was listening to Matt Lauer and Katie Couric report another meaningless story that I wouldn't remember one hundred and twenty minutes later. Willard Scott was stuttering through the names of more one-hundred-plus year-old people. The morning was like the fifty-six mornings that had immediately proceeded it: lonely, depressing, and utterly empty.

I was at the lowest point in my life that morning. One hundred and six days earlier I had resigned from the job that I had worked towards my entire life. It turns out that my dream was not all that it was cracked up to be. For the next fifty days I worked in another meaningless job in a company so relevant that today (two thousand, nine hundred and twenty-two days later) it doesn't even exist.

I quit that job because it was even worse than my "dream" job. I was "better" than that. Apparently better was unemployed. I had a job interview that afternoon at an staffing service. The day before, I had received a call from a well-known company in downtown Cincinnati stating that they were going to call the next day to offer me a position. At least that was starting to look up.

Ann Curry was rambling on about something when everything changed. At first, I thought that I was just adding some excitement to my already dreary day. My life sucked, after all. No one's could be worse.

Katie Couric broke in at 8:53 with a breaking news story. I'll never forget listening to a woman named Jennifer Oberstein recounting that she heard a loud boom and looked up.

"We were all just saying how strange it was that a bomb would explode this high up" she said.

I watched with sad interest as the tower burned. "So sad," I thought. There must be hundreds of people on those floors.

Jennifer Oberstein continued, but the smoke was all that I could see. I kept thinking, "It has to have been a plane. What a horrible accident."

I called Amy at work. She must have been the first person at CFC to have heard about the crash. I called her within 30 seconds of seeing it on Today. We had a quick conversation and she wished me luck at my interview later that day.

8:53am to 9:03am...sad, but an "accident." I was honestly getting ready to turn it off when I saw a flash of orange and heard the eye-witness say "Oh! Another one just hit! Something else just hit! A very large plane..."

I know that this sounds cliché, but nothing mattered anymore. My boo-hoo Eyeore life in the safe U.S. of A. wasn't so safe anymore. I watched in horror as they played and replayed and replayed the footage. Each time I prayed for it to be different. It never changed.

"You have to move from a talk about a horrible accident to something deliberate." Boom. Matt Lauer said it and when I realized it, I almost fainted. To be honest, as I type this, my heart is going so fast that I have to rest from typing for a minute or so every couple of minutes.

I got up and got my dress clothes for my interview in Blue Ash. No shower this morning. Good thing my hair looked decent. I was going to watch this until I had to rush out the door to make the interview.

Fifty-six minutes later at 9:59am was when I realized that this was going to be the single biggest event in my life, bar none. When that first collapse happened, and I did the quick math in my head, the casualties were staggering.

My interview was at 11:00am and was a forty minute drive. I had to leave when it got to be 10:10am.

I listened to 700WLW on the way there. They were just playing ABC's coverage. It was chilling. I turned it off. I drove in silence. I prayed for the first time in months.

When I arrived at the office for my interview everyone was standing in the lobby looking at a TV Cart wheeled from some nearby conference room. Dust. That's all I saw. Dust everywhere.

It was 10:40am. Men and women alike were openly weeping. I listened to the newest headlines that had unfolded since I turned off my radio at 10:20am.

Second collapse.

Pentagon hit.

I didn't know what to do, so I just walked up to the office. It was totally empty except for one woman staring at a computer. She kept saying, "Come on. Come on, Mary." Her face was streaked with make-up and salt.

I just stood there. I waited about 10 minutes and then blew my nose. She walked to a bathroom somewhere in the office and I heard water.

She walked out wiping at her face with paper towels.

"Mr. Mayer?", she asked.

"Meyer."

"Sorry. Sit down, please."

She stared at the computer again. Willing Mary to do something. All I saw was a list of names in green. It was just a regular-looking DOS screen...think old school library screen.

Then I noticed one name about halfway down in red. "Mary ....." I couldn't make out the last name.

"So you need a job?" Strangest interview question that I've ever received.

"Well, yes.", I said. She wasn't looking at me. She was looking at the monitor.

"Should we do this another time?"

"No," she said with a sniffle. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay.", I say. "Can you believe this?"

"What?"

"The Trade Center and Pentagon."

Her eyes went back to the computer. She hit a button and the green-on-black screen reloaded. "Mary" was still red.

"Mary works there."

"Where?"

"Tower 1. I talked to her yesterday about a client that was transferring from New York to Dayton. The woman was looking for temp work in Ohio."

"Mary works for this company?"

"Yes. She does my job in New York."

"Why is her name red?"

"That means that her database is offline. It only goes offline for maintenance. That only happens on the weekend."

"She was in Tower 1 this morning?"

"Yes. She sent me a message through the system about our client."

It was then that she started crying again. I sat there for five minutes while she cried. I wanted to hold her, but I had only met her 10 minutes earlier.

I did the cowardly thing and left. I never heard from her. I never called.

The rest of the day was a blur of NBC, CBS, ABC, and FOX. I remember hearing about the field in Pennsylvania.

The next day I was to receive a call with a job offer from the firm in downtown Cincinnati. I didn't hear from them by lunch. I called in the afternoon and was told that a hiring freeze was placed on the company...there headquarters was across the street from the WTC. They moved from Tower 2 after the bombing in the '90s.

A week later I was told that the hiring freeze was permanent.

Two thousand, nine hundred and twenty-two days after the attacks I sit here and type this up. My life is drastically different. I have a great job, a wonderful son, a wonderful marriage, a strong relationship with my Lord than I could ever imagine possible...it almost feels unfair.

Two thousand, nine hundred and seventy-four innocent people died from that attack. America was united. Flags lined every street. Lee Greenwood came out of retirement. Both political parties stood side by side on the capitol steps and sang "God Bless America" with tears streaming down their faces.

Everybody hung "Never Forget" posters in their cubes.

I see one of those posters every now and then. Mostly, I hear people fighting over health care and clunkers and socialism...have we forgotten? We're all on the same side here...

Two thousand, nine hundred and twenty-two days...I didn't hear one mention of the attacks at work today. No moment of silence at 8:46am like we have every year.

We forgot. I prayed in my little cube. I thought about how insurance underwriters (my job) died on that day. I thanked God for all of my blessings...and I didn't promise to never forget.

I promised to always remember.

Camping in the Smokies - Day 5 of 7

2009-05-13T19:00:00.000-07:00

We didn't start as early as some other days...7:10am. Once we got our morning stuff out of the way, we headed toward the park for another full day. Our first stop was the Metcalf Bottoms Picnic Area again. Instead of eating first, however, we decided to hike to the Little Greenbrier Schoolhouse.

The hike was great; about 2 miles round trip. It started by following the Little River, then it cut west and up a steep foothill. Sam and I got to try our our matching hiking sticks that we had just purchased from the Sugarlands Visitor Center.

Once you get to the top, the trail turns north and starts to descend through a hillside of Rhododendron. They weren't blooming yet, but it was still a pretty hike.

Once you get back down the hill, you make three stream crossings. The bridges were just logs with one rail...Sam loved that. Daddy's anxiety, however, did not. I'll get over it.

The schoolhouse was neat. I hate seeing all of the carvings/writings/initials all over this stuff though. People are real tools. Sam decided to teach us with his new hiking stick.

After hiking back, we had another great picnic by the river. We sat at a table next to a retired couple from Cincinnati. It turns out that he used to own the bar on Harrison Ave in Cheviot that is now 2nd Street Saloon.

Anyway, our next hike of the day was Laurel Falls...my favorite in the park. It is also the favorite of many other people...thus the three parking lots and paved 1.3 mile trail. I carried Sam up the trail to the falls on my shoulders most of the way. He walked a little, but it was the third steep hike in 2 days, so I was okay with not making his little legs go numb.

Laurel Falls was in the middle of a forest fire a little over a week ago and it was obvious in both sight and smell. Thankfully, they were able to contain it and re-open the trail.

The Falls were flowing very well. Sam and Amy took their shoes off and dipped their toes in the frigid water. Sam thought that was super cool (no pun intended).

Amy carried Sam for some of the return part of our 2.6 mile hike. He was getting VERY tired, but he was still good. Once we got moving in the car to head back to camp, Sam fell asleep. Amy and I tried to find the cabin in which we honeymooned, but we couldn't find it.

We got back to camp and everyone was tired. Sam and Amy took a nap and Sunny and I read a little. That was nice for everyone.

For dinner I grilled some BBQ chicken. Y...U...M, yum. While it was cooking, Sam and I nailed our hiking medallions to our hiking sticks. Sam loves how they look. I'll get a picture tomorrow.

After dinner, Sam and Amy walked up to the game room for a couple of minutes and I got the campfire ready. They got back and we roasted some hot dogs and made some S'mores.

Sam crosses his legs when he sits in his camp chair...it just makes me laugh.

Right now, I'm blogging and watching the Reds OBLITERATE the Diamondbacks on Fox Sports Reds...who knew that existed? I can't believe that I didn't find this until now. The only other game that I saw was on the St. Louis station.

Amy's reading bedtime books to Sam and we are all capping off what I would consider a perfect day.

Tomorrow: Jon turns 30, return to Dollywood, dinner at Calhoun's, and Sam's first trolley ride.

Camping in the Smokies - Day 4 of 7

2009-05-13T18:30:00.001-07:00

We woke up early. Shocking, I know. After taking our sweet @$$ time getting ready for the day, we headed out for the Applewood Restaurant, aka The Apple Barn. This is Amy's favorite restaurant in the world. Down home food in the middle of an apple orchard...who wouldn't love that?

Amy had Country Ham, I had meat loaf, and Sam had Grilled Cheese. They serve Apple Julep, Apple Fritters with Apple Butter, and Apple Muffins to everyone before the meal. They are seriously good. They have a huge store attached with all kinds of country stuff, an apple pie kitchen, and a candy factory. Sammy watched two men make some candy sticks and got a lollipop for later.

Once we rolled back to the car, we headed for the GSMNP. We got onto Newfound Gap Road heading east and set our sights on Clingman's Dome.

Clingman's Dome is the highest point in the state of TN. It is a .5 mile hike up a VERY steep trail. It's paved because of the high volume of traffic (like several of the most popular trails in the park), but it's not exactly easy.

Sam was a trooper and we made it to the top. When I held Sam up for this picture, he was higher than every other person in the state of TN! The panoramic views from the overlook are awesome. As a reward for reaching the top, Sam got his lollipop from the Apple Barn. The whole way down he was teasing people by offering it to them.

By the time that we made it back to the Durango it was 4:30pm. We had planned on doing the Laurel Falls Trail after Clingman's Dome, but we didn't want to be gone too late. Instead, we headed back to camp to grill some burgers for dinner.

After dinner, we decided to take Sam into Gatlinburg to see the stores. We visited our favorite shopping area, The Village, and looked at a couple of other stores. Sammy, of course, was obsessed with all of the guns. It seems like every store has cap guns, BB guns, pellet guns, air guns, blow darts, "Air Soft Guns" (whatever those are), and various other weapons.

By the time that we got back home, Sam was already asleep. Amy put Sam to bed and I got a campfire together. Once we were sufficiently exhausted, we both passed out as well. All in all, it was a great day.

Camping in the Smokies - Day 3 of 7

2009-05-12T06:23:00.000-07:00

Sam was up early...again. I sense a pattern. That was okay through, because we had to get ready for Dollywood. Amy and I have been down here so many times and had NEVER been to Dollywood.

We had a reservation for Sunny at Doggywood. That's the name of the kennel at Dollywood. They charge $15/day and you can come and walk/feed/play with them whenever you want.

We rode ALL of the kiddie rides....many times. Unfortunately, I can no longer ride "spinny" rides. I just get too sick. So, Amy rode all of those with Sam. We also all rode the train, a five-mile trip around the foothills of the Smoky Mountains.

For lunch, we ate ate a restaurant called "Aunt Lillian's". She had some fun with Sam.

After lunch, we rode more kid rides. We also went to a bird show that was VERY cool. Apparently, Dollywood is home to the world's largest Bald Eagle sanctuary.

We spend the rest of the day riding more rides and watching a show called "Sha-kon-oh-hey". Sam fell asleep on the way back to the camper and we just put him in bed when we got back.

Amy and I spent the rest of the night making dinner and watching the finale of "The Amazing Race" on cbs.com.

I can't really explain Dollywood better, but I have plenty of pictures.

Tomorrow: Apple Barn, Laurel Falls, Clingman's Dome, and Sam's first trip to the Gatlinburg strip.

Camping in the Smokies - Day 2 of 7

2009-05-11T05:53:00.001-07:00

Sam was up bright and early. He was also full of energy and mischief. Sammy and Daddy went for a walk to give Mommy a little break from craziness for Mother's Day. On our walk, Sam found a new friend: Milton the Millipede. He lived on our picnic table until breakfast.

Mother's Day breakfast was a brief respite for the insanity. Amy wanted pancakes and sausage, so Amy got pancakes and sausage. After snarfing that down, we decided to head into the Great Smoky Mountain National Park and the drive to Cades Cove.

The drive there was great. Gatlinburg looks a lot like Gatlinburg always did. They are adding a new Hilton Garden Inn. It will be interesting to see a new/nice hotel on the Parkway.

Once we entered the park at the Gatlinburg Entrance, we jumped onto Little River Road and headed towards the Cove. We stopped for lunch at the Metcalf Bottoms Picnic Area. It was beautiful. Sam found some butterfly and goose friends. We will definitely return here every time we visit the Smokies.

Cades Cove was beautiful, as always. Sam got to pet a bear. Well, a bear skin. On the way out of the Cove we were behind the slowest car on the planet. It seems like that always happens.

Once we got back, we just stayed at the campground for the evening. We got to meet the owner, a GREAT guy. He even took Sam for a spin around the campground in his golf cart. He's a retired police chief from L.A.!

Monday: DOLLYWOOD!

Camping in the Smokies - Pictures Part 1

2009-05-10T19:49:00.000-07:00

Amy and Sam on the banks of the Little River at the Metcalf Bottoms Picnic Area

Our picnic view

Sunny at our campsite

Sam and his new buddy, Milton the Millipede

Our campsite

Cades Cove Road

Jon BARELY fitting in the camper shower...that is my head IN the skylight.

Camping in the Smokies - Day 1 of 7

2009-05-09T18:07:00.000-07:00

So, we finally made it. I feel like I've been waiting for this vacation for years.

We made it on the road by 7:30am. The tires were performing just fine after 100 miles, so I think that we're okay. I'll check them regularly all week...for sure.

Fast forward to 40 minutes out and we're on I-40E 20 miles from our exit. We were trying to decide whether to take the "Parkway" exit and brave the nasty traffic through Sevierville/Pigeon Forge/Gatlinburg, or go to the exit that gives us the backdoor entry to our campground. We decided to pass up the "Parkway" and go down to 321. Big mistake.

What do I see now...a road closure. There was a posted detour, so we took it. Then, on one of those oh-so-helpful overhead signs, it said that the detour was 58 MILES!!!! So, we turned around, burning 35 minutes in the process.

The traffic wasn't so bad down the The Parkway (441). There were lots of changes that happened to that road since the last time that we were down here. Many of the show theaters (Lee Greenwood, Alabama) were closed and some new nice hotels popped up. The best addition (at least from the outside) is the new Inn at Christmas Place. It is STUNNING.

We got to the Great Smoky Jellystone and they did a great job checking us in. One of the sons of the owners hopped into a golf cart and guided us into our spot. It is a little uneven, but it is my fault for not bringing some leveling blocks (assuming that $37/night should buy you an level spot).

It's raining and Sam is in rare form, well...regular Sam form, so we decided to go out for dinner. We don't usually do that very much when camping (especially in Gatlinburg), but we decided it was worth it. I googled restaurants near our campground in Cosby, TN and it looked like Carver's Applehouse Restaurant was the place to go.

It was AWESOME! Amy and I agree that it had one of the best Grilled Chicken Breast Dinners that we had ever had (Apple Fritters with Apple Butter, Apple Julip, Salad, Grilled Chicken Breast with two vegetables, drink and dessert brownie for $11.75). It was great.

Now, we're going to play some 500 Rummy and fall asleep to the rushing creek outside our window.

Tomorrow: Mother's Day Breakfast/Dinner, Cade's Cove, Sam's first trolley ride.

Camping in the Smokies - Day minus 1

2009-05-09T17:31:00.000-07:00

As any good camper knows, the prep is just as important as the camping. In fact, I actually enjoy getting ready. Ever since Amy and I aquired our 22' Fleetwood Wilderness trailer, we have been preparing for this trip. In fact, we have been planning it since December. Everything was ready; all items were ready to go.

My plan was to work a full day on Friday (until 4:45pm) and then go pick up the camper at our storage lot (Circle Storage) in Harrison, OH. That would have given us plenty of time to get home, load up, and get some sleep.

Ideally, I would have taken a half of a vacation day and left at noon. I hadn't planned on doing that because I was running out of vacation days. However, earlier in the day I had recieved an email telling me that a caroling gig that would have been during a work day was not going to go happen. So, one vacation day back in the hopper.

For some reason, I felt like I should go ahead and take a half day. I thought that I would probably get home and have plenty of time to wash the trailer in addition to the other stuff.

So, I left at noon and decided to stop at Berean Christian Books to spend some of my birthday money on something that I had wanted for a little while: a Pocket New Testament. It's cool...size and shape of a check book. After that I drove through Wendy's for a Double Stack...nice little double cheeseburger for a buck.

Anyway, I went from there to the storage lot and got there at about 1:00. I drove around to our spott and backed up to the camper. As always, I did a walk-around before hooking up. What should my wondering eye should appear, but a flat tire. Totally flat...no air.

These were BRAND NEW Toyo tires that I just purchased from Colerain RV not even 30 days ago. The tire in question was a bit of a problem for the technician. He had a hard time getting it "seated". He told me though that it wouldn't be a problem. We had even camped for a weekend at Big Bone Lick State Park. (awesome T-shirt store, by the way...check them all out.)

So, after I FLIPPED OUT, I called Colerain RV. They said that they did not have any of that wheel or tire in stock, but that they would come out to my storage lot, get the tire/wheel, take it somewhere and reseat it, then bring it back. I was skeptical, but I ran with it.

The nice lady at Colerain said that someone would be there in about an hour. So, I did what any sensible person would do: I plugged the RV into the nearest outlet at the storage lot and plugged in the TV. Unfortunately, the only show that would come in was The Bonnie Hunt Show. It was horrid, but it was the only thing on. After about 15 minutes, I started reading the gospel of Matthew in my New Testament...that helped me calm down.

It was still hot and humid wearing my work clothes out there. I ended up rolling up my pant legs and unbuttoning my shirt. I walked like that to the entrance to meet Jim, the Colerain RV guy. He got the tire off and went to find a tire store that would help him out.

So, hot and chic-looking Jon sat at the camper waiting for another 2 hours. Eventually, Jim came back with a working tire. THANK YOU GOD.

Seriously, from the time that I got the message that the caroling gig was cancelled, it is evident that God was directing me to GET TO THAT CAMPER. Had I not gotten there when I did, we wouldn't have been able to leave until 12 hours later than planned.

No problems getting it home...everything went well.

Chuck E. Cheese's!

2009-01-19T13:32:00.000-08:00

Amy, Sam and I went to Chuck E. Cheese’s on Saturday in the midst of our furniture shopping. We met Amy’s brother, Dan, and his family (wife, 3 year old and 1 year old) there for dinner.

The workers at the door were freaking me out. Their job was to facilitate the Chuck E. Cheese Kid Check® Program. This is from the Chuck E. Cheese website:

When you first arrive at Chuck E. Cheese's you will pass through our Kid Check
area where parents or guardians will have their hand stamped with a number that
matches their child's. This is our special way we try to assist you in helping
that everyone who comes together leaves together. (This program is not a
substitute for adult supervision.)

These guys were probably 20 and 17 years old. The 20 year old (hereafter referred to as Creepy VonMolester) was giving the little intro spiel and stamping families with their black light-activated number. He informed us that we had to order our food and then they would get us a table. So much for the “we’ll play and the order some food” idea.

He then opened the movie theater-like rope so that we could enter the food-ordering area. The rope was attached to the wall by a magnet…very secure. And, let me tell you, Creepy VonMolester was very imposing…NOT!

After ordering our food ($38 for a pizza, drinks, 100 tokens and salad bar for one), we were taken to our table. It was situated about 75’ from the stage. Not too far, but not too close either. There were 4 parties going one that monopolized the front. We didn’t stay at our table long before heading to the entertainment area.

I won’t bore you with all of the little games that Sam played, but some of them were fun for him; most of them were a little too old. Instead, I will make some observations about the entertainment area that is crucial Chuck E. Cheese:
1) There are a lot of sloppy-looking fat people at Chuck E. Cheese. Now, I know that I am a big guy. However, I always dress nicely, keep everything tucked in and am groomed. These people were wearing tight-ass clothes, wife-beaters (it was only 9 degrees out!!!), or matching purple jogging suits.
2) There are a lot of fat kids at Chuck E. Cheese. Really fat.
3) Parents DO NOT watch their kids at Chuck E. Cheese.
4) It is apparently okay to walk barefoot around a restaurant if there is skeeball under the same roof.
5) One girl was camped out in front of the same machine from the time that we got there until the time that we left. I can’t imagine how many thousands of tickets were piled on the ground in front of her. Her parents kept bringing tokens to her. After delivering the tokens, the dad went back to sleeping in the booth and the mom went back to playing Bejeweled on her iPhone. Her daughter stunk, wasn’t wearing shoes, and didn’t have a coat with her or in the booth…but she had an iPhone.
6) Skeeball is very addicting.

After playing for about 30 minutes, someone ventured to our table to find that our pizza was there and kind of cold. It wasn’t bad. I will also say that the salad bar was excellent. It had small containers and the girl there was constantly refilling the bins with fresh items. Amy and I did buck the system…we split a plate for the salad bar. I think it was like $4 per plate.

Then, the show came on. I was wondering to myself, “Self, what do you think Chuck has selected to entertain this new generation of children. Imagine my surprise when the following setlist was set forth:
I Think We’re Alone Now – Tiffany (1986)
Everybody Wants to Rule the World – Tears for Fears (1985)
Shout – Tears for Fears (1985)

I would bet you anything that I saw the same show when I was a kid. It is both ridiculous and perfect. The kids don’t care what songs are on and the parents are entertained.

At the end of the recorded show, a "live" Chuck E. Cheese came out to lead a conga line. At one point, he had the kids get down on all fours and crawl around on the floor of the restaurant. That's nice for the restaurant to encourage kids to get their hands all dirty and then either go eat or go touch all of the games.

Sam wanted cotton candy. Cotton candy was 200 tickets. So, I rose to the challenge and Skeeballed it up. Later, I come to find out that now you can just buy the stuff for a penny per ticket. That would have saved some time.

On the way out, they were supposed to check our numbers to make sure that they were the same. They checked ours just fine, but the family in front of us didn’t want to bother with the hassle of holding their hands under the black light. What did Creepy VonMolester do? Nothing. He just said “Oh yeah…I remember that ya’ll came in together. "

Nice.

I don’t see us going back anytime soon.

Privacy Act stupidity, the growing rudeness in the healthcare world & Wal-mart (but not in combination)

2008-12-31T05:59:00.001-08:00

So, we have all seen the effects of HIPAA (The Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act of 1996). When you go to the pharmacy, you have to go to the super-secret, double reinforced privacy cubicle to ask a question. At the doctor's office you have to sign the form a gazillion times saying that you understand your rights. At what point, however, does all of this start to effect the way that health worker's think.

Rewind to almost a year ago when I broke my foot. I went to the podiatrist, was treated, had physical therapy and, in April, was released on my own recognisance. "Call me if you have any problems with your foot," she says. Okay. All good.

Yesterday, while napping at home, my wife was rudely awoken by the sound of the telephone. It was one of the pesky, but helpful, reminder calls from a doctor's office.

This call is to remind [JON MEYER] that he as an appointment with [DR. BROWN] at 11:00am tomorrow, December 31st.

There is apparently more to the call, but my wife is still half asleep. She calls me, gets mad at me because a phone call for me woke her up, and tells me about the call. Unfortunately, I do not see a Dr. Brown AND there is no shortage of them in the Tri-State area. Eventually, my wife settles down and calls back to give me the caller ID number. It is the office of my podiatrist who is NOT Dr. Brown. There is, however, a Dr. B[something] kind of sounds like Brown.

So, I called the office and this is how it played out:

Dr's Office: Good afternoon, Foot Care Center of Cincinnati.

Me: Hi, my name is Jon Meyer and I am a patient of Dr. [Podiatrist's Name]. I recieved a confirmation call for an appointment with a Dr. B[something], but I am not a patient of his. I last saw a doctor from your office in April and had no reason to schedule a follow up.

Dr's Office: Date of birth.

Me: My date of birth is 5/**/**

Dr's Office: You have an appointment with Dr. B[something] at 11:00am tomorrow.

Me: I apologize for any confusion, but I did not schedule an appointment tomorrow with that doctor, or any doctor for that matter.

Dr's Office: Are you Jon Meyer?

Me: Yes, I am.

Dr's Office: And you didn't make an appointment for tomorrow.

Me: No, I did not.

Dr's Office: Well, did you see a doctor in April about your foot?

Me: Yes, I did.

Dr's Office: Well, this is your follow-up.

Me: Well, I didn't schedule a follow-up. Was it scheduled that same day in April?

Dr's Office: No sir, it was scheduled for tomorrow.

Me: Sorry. I meant was the appointment made on that same day.

Dr's Office: I am showing that it was made on December 22nd.

Me: Than I definately know that it wasn't me. I didn't call to make an appointment. Someone else with a similar name must have.

Dr's Office: Would you like to cancel your appointment?

Me: Yes, but...

Dr's Office: We have a $25 fee if you cancel your appointment less than 24 hours before the scheduled time.

Me: I understand, but I didn't make the appointment.

Dr's Office: Well, who did make the appointment?

Me: I don't know. Maybe someone named John Mayer or Jan Meijer? Could someone like that have made an appointment?

Dr's Office: Sir, I am not allowed to discuss other patients with you. It is none of your business.

Me: Wow. Okay. Maybe you should decide at the office if you want to keep it open for the person that really made the appointment or if you want to cancel it. Either way, I am not going to have to pay a cancellation penalty because it is not my appointment.

Dr's Office: I will ask if I can waive the penalty.

Me: What? Okay, thanks. Good luck.

[END CALL]

Seriously...this lady was wacko. I'm noticing that little by little that the professionalism and courtesy of most Healthcare professionals, specifically those that assist the providers themselves, is going away. The people that schedule appointments are very discourteous and most other non-nurse or non-doctor personnel just seem...jaded. Maybe someone can explain it to me, but I think that it is inexcusable. When you are in that position, at LEAST half of your job is Customer Service. Deal.

WAL-MART

Amy, Sam and I went to Wal-mart last night to return some gifts. They were likely bought somewhere else, but seriously...you know that Wal-mart sells the stuff. Everything that we had to return WAS sold there, so we were fine. What I did like is how they handle the return preparation now.

When you walk in the door, there is a person there that scans the items, prints off a sticker with a barcode and price, and points you to the line. So, when you get to the register to return the items, they just scan the sticker and you're on your way. Way convenient and no guess work. The refund comes in the form of a gift card (Happy Birthday to my special someone), but that is fine since, as I said, they stuff probably came from another store.

He's BACK....

2008-12-30T08:41:00.000-08:00

So, after a leave of absense, I am back. I know that you were all waiting with baited breath. I assure you that I will do my best to procrastinate and not blog often and then apologize.

Please...leave comments. It's the only way that I know that anyone is out there...