Chuck E. Cheese's!

Amy, Sam and I went to Chuck E. Cheese’s on Saturday in the midst of our furniture shopping. We met Amy’s brother, Dan, and his family (wife, 3 year old and 1 year old) there for dinner.

The workers at the door were freaking me out. Their job was to facilitate the Chuck E. Cheese Kid Check® Program. This is from the Chuck E. Cheese website:

When you first arrive at Chuck E. Cheese's you will pass through our Kid Check
area where parents or guardians will have their hand stamped with a number that
matches their child's. This is our special way we try to assist you in helping
that everyone who comes together leaves together. (This program is not a
substitute for adult supervision.)

These guys were probably 20 and 17 years old. The 20 year old (hereafter referred to as Creepy VonMolester) was giving the little intro spiel and stamping families with their black light-activated number. He informed us that we had to order our food and then they would get us a table. So much for the “we’ll play and the order some food” idea.

He then opened the movie theater-like rope so that we could enter the food-ordering area. The rope was attached to the wall by a magnet…very secure. And, let me tell you, Creepy VonMolester was very imposing…NOT!

After ordering our food ($38 for a pizza, drinks, 100 tokens and salad bar for one), we were taken to our table. It was situated about 75’ from the stage. Not too far, but not too close either. There were 4 parties going one that monopolized the front. We didn’t stay at our table long before heading to the entertainment area.

I won’t bore you with all of the little games that Sam played, but some of them were fun for him; most of them were a little too old. Instead, I will make some observations about the entertainment area that is crucial Chuck E. Cheese:
1) There are a lot of sloppy-looking fat people at Chuck E. Cheese. Now, I know that I am a big guy. However, I always dress nicely, keep everything tucked in and am groomed. These people were wearing tight-ass clothes, wife-beaters (it was only 9 degrees out!!!), or matching purple jogging suits.
2) There are a lot of fat kids at Chuck E. Cheese. Really fat.
3) Parents DO NOT watch their kids at Chuck E. Cheese.
4) It is apparently okay to walk barefoot around a restaurant if there is skeeball under the same roof.
5) One girl was camped out in front of the same machine from the time that we got there until the time that we left. I can’t imagine how many thousands of tickets were piled on the ground in front of her. Her parents kept bringing tokens to her. After delivering the tokens, the dad went back to sleeping in the booth and the mom went back to playing Bejeweled on her iPhone. Her daughter stunk, wasn’t wearing shoes, and didn’t have a coat with her or in the booth…but she had an iPhone.
6) Skeeball is very addicting.

After playing for about 30 minutes, someone ventured to our table to find that our pizza was there and kind of cold. It wasn’t bad. I will also say that the salad bar was excellent. It had small containers and the girl there was constantly refilling the bins with fresh items. Amy and I did buck the system…we split a plate for the salad bar. I think it was like $4 per plate.

Then, the show came on. I was wondering to myself, “Self, what do you think Chuck has selected to entertain this new generation of children. Imagine my surprise when the following setlist was set forth:
I Think We’re Alone Now – Tiffany (1986)
Everybody Wants to Rule the World – Tears for Fears (1985)
Shout – Tears for Fears (1985)

I would bet you anything that I saw the same show when I was a kid. It is both ridiculous and perfect. The kids don’t care what songs are on and the parents are entertained.

At the end of the recorded show, a "live" Chuck E. Cheese came out to lead a conga line. At one point, he had the kids get down on all fours and crawl around on the floor of the restaurant. That's nice for the restaurant to encourage kids to get their hands all dirty and then either go eat or go touch all of the games.

Sam wanted cotton candy. Cotton candy was 200 tickets. So, I rose to the challenge and Skeeballed it up. Later, I come to find out that now you can just buy the stuff for a penny per ticket. That would have saved some time.

On the way out, they were supposed to check our numbers to make sure that they were the same. They checked ours just fine, but the family in front of us didn’t want to bother with the hassle of holding their hands under the black light. What did Creepy VonMolester do? Nothing. He just said “Oh yeah…I remember that ya’ll came in together. "

Nice.

I don’t see us going back anytime soon.