The Dangerous "What if...?"

I had a good, short quasi-theological discussion with a friend at work today. We were talking about how we both envy a mutual friend of ours for her current location on her faith journey. She's WAY down the road. She is so full of the Holy Spirit and free-giving that it's inspiring just to talk to her. Even non-Believers are drawn to her strength.

She gave up a promising career so that she could devote her life to helping other people. She's a missionary that is currently working with a large midwestern Christian organization and is paying her bills only through the generosity of donors.

There was a big elephant in the room (or cubicle). We both have a wife and a child. The unspoken item was this: "What would we be able to do if we weren't tied down with family and obligation?"

That sound bad, I know. Neither of us would ever IN A MILLION YEARS trade in our life for the life we could have had. However, that doesn't stop someone from bringing to the surface a resentment that was long ago plunged down.

I'll use myself as an example:

• What if I had gone to an out-of-state school instead of limiting myself to Xavier, UC, and NKU? Amy had said that she wanted me to stay close to home. We had been dating for some time and were going to get married.
• What if I hadn't worked at Roger Bacon while I was in college? Would I have fallen into the deep depression that I fought for years and years? Would I have decided to go to grad school and become a professional musician?
• What if I didn't have a kid? Would I be able to do more things? Go more places? Be more involved? Drive fancier cars? Have a fancier house? Go out ot eat more?

The reality is that you make decisions in life as they come at you. At the time, Xavier seemed the best option to me. If I hadn't gone to Xavier, I never would have met the great friends that I did. If I hadn't gone to Xavier, I wouldn't have seen New Orleans pre-Katrina. If I hadn't worked at Roger Bacon while I was in college, I never would have gotten to help teach so many great kids that have turned into great adults. If I wouldn't have had a son, my Sam...

God has a plan for each one of us. Sometimes, we impact people in a way that we don't even know. Maybe God had me at Xavier for a reason that will likely never understand.

I often look back with regret when I think about my time at Roger Bacon (I was a band director there for 6 years). I always felt like I didn't make an impact on people. I was wrong.

When I was a teacher at Roger Bacon, I helped to lead a retreat called Kairos. It translates from Greek to English as "The Lord's Time." It is the counterpart to Chronos. Anyway, it is traditional to start and end your talks with a song. I had used a variety of songs over the years:

• Garth Brooks - The River
• Sarah McLachlin -The Prayer of St. Francis
• Peter Gabriel - In Your Eyes

On my last retreat, I really wanted to pick a song that would stand out. I could have gone with a Christian song, but I knew that would be forgotten before the next meal was over. I was listening to a CD that I owned for my DJ company when it hit me. The CD was the Billboard Top 10 from 1979: the year I was born.

I was tired of my lady; we'd been together to long
Like a worn-out recording of a favorite song
So while she lay there sleeping, I read the paper in bed
And in the personal columns there was this letter I read

If you like Pina Coladas
And getting caught in the rain
If you're not into Yoga
If you have half a brain
If you like making love at midnight
In the dunes on the cape
The I'm the love that you've looked for
Write to me and Escape.

Escape (The Pina Colada Song). It got a laugh out of the kids, as it should have. I talked about how I always tried to find someone to accept me. How I always fought to find someone that didn't make fun of my weight. I talked about how I never felt that I would ever find someone that would love me unconditionally.

Until I realized that person had been there all along. God had always been there. There was more to it, but you get the idea.

I haven't thought about that talk in years. I never thought that it made an impression.  Then I recieved this note this week:

"so this is the second time this week that i have heard the pina colada song and i decided i needed to write to you. every time i hear that song i think about your speach on kairos. thinking about what you said and what that songs makes me feel has helped me out a lot this week. this month has probably been the worst month of my life and i just wanted to let you know that what you said and that song has helped me out in so many ways. i just wanted to thank you from the bottom of my heart."

I shed a couple tears at my keyboard...and I realized that God always has a reason for why we are where we are.

Post or Read Comments

"Francis, rebuild my Church."

I almost always have a book with me. Whether it’s my NT or one of my favorite authors’ books, I have something to read with me. I hate waiting in lines, eating lunch without something to do, or being stuck somewhere by yourself.

Yesterday, I was sitting in my doctor’s office (more on that later) reading Maria Montessori’s “The Montessori Method.” I don’t usually read random books on scientific pedagogy, but I have a special interest in the writings of Maria Montessori. In addition to the fact that my alma mater (Xavier University) was the first university in the United States to establish a degree in Montessori education, and that I took some classes there pertaining to Montessori’s methods, my son, Sam, now attends Dater Montessori Elementary School in Cincinnati, Ohio.

Here is a brief explanation of The Montessori Method from The International Montessori Index:

Montessori emphasizes learning through all five senses, not just through listening, watching, or reading. Children in Montessori classes learn at their own, individual pace and according to their own choice of activities from hundreds of possibilities. Learning is an exciting process of discovery, leading to concentration, motivation, self-discipline, and a love of learning. Montessori classes place children in three-year age groups (3-6, 6-9, 9-12, and so on), forming communities in which the older children spontaneously share their knowledge with the younger ones. Montessori represents an entirely different approach to education.

The results are astounding. I love what that school is doing for its students, specifically for Sam. I will, without a doubt, be discussing his education from time to time on this blog.

In the chapter which she sets up her reason for doing all of her research, she relates the story of St. Francis of Assisi quite well to how the important the people doing the heavy-lifting are in the grand scheme of a task. In this paragraph, she is talking specifically of the achievements and failures in trying to find the write way to educate humans:

Every great cause is born from repeated failures and from imperfect achievements. When St. Francis of Assisi saw his Lord in a vision, and received from the Divine lips the command–"Francis, rebuild my Church!"–he believed that the Master spoke of the little church within which he knelt at that moment. And he immediately set about the task, carrying upon his shoulders the stones with which he meant to rebuild the fallen walls. It was not until later that he became aware of the fact that his mission was to renew the Catholic Church through the spirit of poverty. But the St. Francis who so ingenuously carried the stones, and the great reformer who so miraculously led the people to a triumph of the spirit, are one and the same person in different stages of development. So we, who work toward one great end, are members of one and the same body; and those who come after us will reach the goal only because there were those who believed and labored before them. And, like St. Francis, we have believed that by carrying the hard and barren stones of the experimental laboratory to the old and crumbling walls of the school, we might rebuild it. We have looked upon the aids offered by the materialistic and mechanical sciences with the same hopefulness with which St. Francis looked upon the squares of granite, which he must carry upon his shoulders.

Many of us work in jobs that seem, to us, inconsequential. We feel like all we do is “build the walls” while others “build the church.” I, for one, would much rather be building the church than underwriting insurance. However, at the same time, I begin to realize that, in the grand scheme of things, my job is vital to the success of so many individuals and businesses:

• My family
• My boss
• Her boss
• My employer
• All of the employees of my employer
• All of the stockholders of my employer
• The insureds who depend on coverage to be there when they need it
• My agencies
• The employees of my agencies
• The children of all of the above

So, just when I start to think that all I do is push paper, all I need do is remember that what I do is vital to the lives of so many. I don’t seek to aggrandize what I do, but it helps me to remember that my cog in the wheel is just as important as any other.