And I ran...I ran so far away.

I signed up to recieve a daily bible verse from a website a year or so ago. Those emails grew to be a little annoying. However, during those few months there were two verses that caught my eye. Both resonated with me and earned a stick pin in my cubicle wall next to my computer.

The first was Psalm 119:105:

Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path.

That helps me to remember that God is not only a guide to my everyday decisions (lamp to my feet), but also helping me to see how those decision affect the future (light to my path).

The second was 1 Corinthians 9:24-29:

Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize.

Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. Therefore I do not run like a man running aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air. No, I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize.

At the time, I used it to motivate me at work. I was not yet diagnosed, nor was I being treated, for A.D.D. I was having an incredibly hard time concentrating at work and getting anytime accomplished. There were times where I would sit at my desk and just pray that I could get one thing done that day. This passage from 1 Corinthians spoke to my heart. I did not want to "run aimlessly" and "I beat my body and [made] it my slave" so that I could be the best I could be.

Later that year, my life changed as I sought treatment. These words morphed into something much more. They have become my rallying call. They have, to me, become literal. I want to win the prize. I do everything that I can to win the prize. Yes, it has vast spirtual implications in my life. However, it's so much more in my life.

When I made the decision to take a radical path towards improved health, my world was thrown upside down. I knew that I wanted to do this to become healthier; not to become smaller. The latter is obviously a byproduct of the former, but it is so hard to qualify in any other way, for me.

My bloodwork is great. My blood pressure is a rock-steady 120 over 72. I don't have diabetes, high cholestoral, or any of the other "comorbidities" associated with morbid obesity. What I am is overweight.

I needed something that would be my guidepost. I wanted to be able to say, "Yeah, I lost 130 pounds, but the really awesome thing is ..." beh. I didn't have anything. I prayed about it a lot. I couldn't measure "being able to squat down and play with my son." I prayed some more.

During one of my mini mind breaks at work, I was praying for guidance and looked up at the wall of my cube. There, having been pinned up a year earlier, was the passage from 1 Corinthians. In addition, I had highlighted the sentence, "Run in such a way as to get the prize."

I knew right then what I had to do: run. The one exercise that I always said I despised. I used to say, "The only reason that you'll see me running is to get away from a pit bull."

"I beat my body and make it my slave..."

All at once, I wanted to run. I don't know what it was, but I suspect it was the Holy Spirit. I found a running plan on the internet called Couch-to-5K. It's a nine-week plan that is proven to help a dedicated person run a 5K race with no previous running experience. The last time that I ran for fitness was for the 8th grade Presidential Fitness test. It took me 17 minutes to run a mile...

I am currently in the 5th week and can't believe it. Not only am I doing it, but I'm enjoying it.

I'm going to run a 5K race on the 4th of July. I'm going to run a 10K race in August. I'm going to do the Little Miami Triathlon on 10/3/10. Then, one year to the day after I started running, I'm going to run the Flying Pig Marathon.

One of my friends told me to "be realistic". "After all," he said, "there's nothing wrong with running a half marathon."

He's right; there isn't. But I'm running for a lasting crown...not something that's not "wrong." I may become injured and not meet my goal. I do have a history of knee and foot injuries. No matter what, I'm going to beat my body into submission, I'm not going to run aimlessly, and I'm going to win the prize.

"Yes, I lost 130 pounds, but you know what's really cool? I won the prize...and it's worth more than my lost weight in gold."

And I also signed my email address back up for the bible verse emails.

Getting in on the ground floor

People that became the original investors in the Coca-Cola Company made incredible amounts of money. Their return on investment was incredible. The list of opportunities that people have taken advantage of to build their wealth is a mile long. We all wish that we had been among these lucky/smart people. What did they see that everyone else missed?

For the last three weeks, my church has been discussing the birth of the church. Not a specific church, but the church as the Body of Christ. The series is entitled The Jesus Underground. We've been reading the book of Acts. To be perfectly honest, I had never studied Acts in-depth before now. It's a shame really; where better to find the answers to the questions about faith with which we all struggle?

For those of you that aren't familiar with the book of Acts, here's, a little analogy for you:
The Gospel of Luke is to the Book of Acts what The Two Towers is to The Fellowship of the Ring.

If you haven't read them recently, you really should. If you're a Believer, it will help you to realize how we got where we are today; if you are not a Believer, read it with fresh eyes. Ask yourself what it would take for you to see to believe...because these men and women saw that.

If you spend a lot of time online, you can read it here. If you are a friend of mine and you prefer an actual book, let me know. I'll give you a copy of the New Testament.

It tells the story of how the "disciples" became the "apostles." Disciple means follower, but apostle means witness. How these men and women became willing to die to get the story out. They got in on the ground floor. They learned about Jesus from Jesus. No matter who you are, this is a good story.

There is a verse that has been stuck in my brain for the last couple of days. Acts 3:6.

I have no silver or gold, but what I do have I give you.

I don't have a lot of money, but what I can give is myself.

Brick Testament

Courtesy of my cyber-friend Steve.

The Brick Testament

Where there is doubt, faith

The Prayer of St. Francis has always been very special to me. In a series of entries over the next couple of weeks I plan to break down each line and what it means to me.

"Where there is doubt, faith"

We face doubt nearly every day of our lives. While we often doubt others, it is ourselves whom we doubt the most. We doubt our abilities when it comes to just about everything. If you are one of the lucky few that has a super-strong confidence, I salute you. You go day-in-and-day-out knowing that you can do exactly what you put your mind to. Unfortunately, you are in an even deeper whole than the rest of us. Reason being, at some point you will fail. You will either fail yourself or someone will let you down when it really counts...someone that you can't just cut out of your life. 

There it is...doubt.

While the opposite of doubt in just about every grammar book is "confidence," the author of this prayer takes it out of the tangible and puts it into the intangible...faith. Let's define these three words to examine exactly what we're talking about:

• Doubt: a feeling of uncertainty about the truth, reality, or nature of something.
• Confidence: full trust; belief in the powers, trustworthiness, or reliability of a person or thing
• Faith: belief that is not based on proof

The subtle difference between the last two make all the difference. When you have confidence in something, you have full trust because there is a track record...a history that supports your conviction. When you have faith in something, you need no proof.

I have confidence that I will be able to drive from here to Panera when I'm done to meet with some new friends to discuss the current series at V.C.C. on the Book of Acts: The Jesus Underground. I have this confidence because I've left here before and driven to Tri-County. I know the way and even if I encounter traffic, I know alternate routes.

Looking at the same situation, I have faith that God will get me there safely. Here's the kicker: if I don't arrive safely, and am in an accident or something equally terrible, I know that there is a reason. I have faith not just that God will get me there safely, but that if I don't get there safely, God had other plans for me.

Now, I know that God's not my co-pilot or my Garmin. I know that I still need to be careful and drive just as defensively as ever, but I have faith that, at the end of the night, I will be where God wishes me to be. Hopefully, that is safe in bed, sandwiched between the heated mattress pad, flannel sheets, and the heavy denim comforter.

I don't believe in predestination. I don't believe that God decides how my life will progress and end at the moment I'm born. However, I do know that God has his thumb in the middle of my back, gently steering me, but allowing me to follow my own free will. My faith comes in His steering...I trust his direction. If I doubt where my life is leading me, I pray about it and listen intently. Then, I have faith that my decision is the right one.

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The Dangerous "What if...?"

I had a good, short quasi-theological discussion with a friend at work today. We were talking about how we both envy a mutual friend of ours for her current location on her faith journey. She's WAY down the road. She is so full of the Holy Spirit and free-giving that it's inspiring just to talk to her. Even non-Believers are drawn to her strength.

She gave up a promising career so that she could devote her life to helping other people. She's a missionary that is currently working with a large midwestern Christian organization and is paying her bills only through the generosity of donors.

There was a big elephant in the room (or cubicle). We both have a wife and a child. The unspoken item was this: "What would we be able to do if we weren't tied down with family and obligation?"

That sound bad, I know. Neither of us would ever IN A MILLION YEARS trade in our life for the life we could have had. However, that doesn't stop someone from bringing to the surface a resentment that was long ago plunged down.

I'll use myself as an example:

• What if I had gone to an out-of-state school instead of limiting myself to Xavier, UC, and NKU? Amy had said that she wanted me to stay close to home. We had been dating for some time and were going to get married.
• What if I hadn't worked at Roger Bacon while I was in college? Would I have fallen into the deep depression that I fought for years and years? Would I have decided to go to grad school and become a professional musician?
• What if I didn't have a kid? Would I be able to do more things? Go more places? Be more involved? Drive fancier cars? Have a fancier house? Go out ot eat more?

The reality is that you make decisions in life as they come at you. At the time, Xavier seemed the best option to me. If I hadn't gone to Xavier, I never would have met the great friends that I did. If I hadn't gone to Xavier, I wouldn't have seen New Orleans pre-Katrina. If I hadn't worked at Roger Bacon while I was in college, I never would have gotten to help teach so many great kids that have turned into great adults. If I wouldn't have had a son, my Sam...

God has a plan for each one of us. Sometimes, we impact people in a way that we don't even know. Maybe God had me at Xavier for a reason that will likely never understand.

I often look back with regret when I think about my time at Roger Bacon (I was a band director there for 6 years). I always felt like I didn't make an impact on people. I was wrong.

When I was a teacher at Roger Bacon, I helped to lead a retreat called Kairos. It translates from Greek to English as "The Lord's Time." It is the counterpart to Chronos. Anyway, it is traditional to start and end your talks with a song. I had used a variety of songs over the years:

• Garth Brooks - The River
• Sarah McLachlin -The Prayer of St. Francis
• Peter Gabriel - In Your Eyes

On my last retreat, I really wanted to pick a song that would stand out. I could have gone with a Christian song, but I knew that would be forgotten before the next meal was over. I was listening to a CD that I owned for my DJ company when it hit me. The CD was the Billboard Top 10 from 1979: the year I was born.

I was tired of my lady; we'd been together to long
Like a worn-out recording of a favorite song
So while she lay there sleeping, I read the paper in bed
And in the personal columns there was this letter I read

If you like Pina Coladas
And getting caught in the rain
If you're not into Yoga
If you have half a brain
If you like making love at midnight
In the dunes on the cape
The I'm the love that you've looked for
Write to me and Escape.

Escape (The Pina Colada Song). It got a laugh out of the kids, as it should have. I talked about how I always tried to find someone to accept me. How I always fought to find someone that didn't make fun of my weight. I talked about how I never felt that I would ever find someone that would love me unconditionally.

Until I realized that person had been there all along. God had always been there. There was more to it, but you get the idea.

I haven't thought about that talk in years. I never thought that it made an impression.  Then I recieved this note this week:

"so this is the second time this week that i have heard the pina colada song and i decided i needed to write to you. every time i hear that song i think about your speach on kairos. thinking about what you said and what that songs makes me feel has helped me out a lot this week. this month has probably been the worst month of my life and i just wanted to let you know that what you said and that song has helped me out in so many ways. i just wanted to thank you from the bottom of my heart."

I shed a couple tears at my keyboard...and I realized that God always has a reason for why we are where we are.

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